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Thursday, June 29, 2006

Poodle

He can't handle the "Kwandee" post. So until I find the photos for the blog I wrote, this will move "Kwandee" down.

Just for you Poods.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

10 Things About Kwandee



- Kwandee is not mentally challenged (as this photo might suggest).

- Kwandee is a fraud specialist. She can tell if you are lying.

- Kwandee eats a lot of pizza and hamburger helper. She also loves vitatops.

- Kwandee gets drunk and falls down in the bathroom.

- Kwandee is moving to Texas with her 2 dogs and her 2 horses. She should fit right in with the dogs.

- Kwandee drinks water from a sippy cup because "it's fun".

- Kwandee's name apparently isn't Kwandee. It's Quaaaadeee.

- Kwandee has a lot of friends at work. We are jealous of her hamburger helper skinny ass.

- Kwandee doesn't know what we have planned for her today. I hope she almost cries.

- Kwandee gave me all of her hair ties and I haven't given them back. I guess they are mine now(except the two in the photo). Thanks Kwandee.

Monday, June 12, 2006

This Land is My Land...The Mountain Says So

For my 100th post I thought I'd write about something that might have us all saying "What the heck?" And I used "heck" because I'm talking about Utah, again. Not on purpose of course. I did go up there to see my sister (she's visiting the grandparents for a week). And along the way I started looking for the landmarks. Not buildings or scenic pull-offs but the mark on the mountains.

D for Dixie in St. George
L for Leads in Leads
B for Beaver in Beaver
G always has me stumped because it's in pleasant Grove (maybe Grove)
The big Y for BYU
U for Uni of Utah
B for Bountiful
V for Viewmont (in Bountiful)

For the longest time I thought these were property of each city they were in. It made sense until I'd look at the big V for Viewmont. That was a High School not a city. And the U is right above the University of Utah. And obviously the Y was for BYU. There was a pattern; schools that were rivalries.

During football season, if the U of U won a game, they lit it up and it blinked. Cool, but how annoying would that be for all the homeowners below it. These aren't little letters either. Some are hundreds of feet high made out of cement.

The V for Viewmont was painted about a year after September 11th. It's hard to tell, but it's painted like the American Flag. I'm sure Bountiful felt the pressure after Viewmont proved their patriotism to the entire community.

But the B still isn't painted. Perhaps the Bountiful kids were right to hold off because you can't even see the V now unless you know where to look. I'm sure they are laughing at their friends. I've met these Bountiful kids, they are mean. They are like the same rich kids over at Friendswood High School. Except Friendswood didn't have a mountain to rub it in. They had control of the Sonic.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Hot Tip #5: Honey!



This sweet, sticky substance is popular in my house. Justin loves it especially when I make cornbread (which is rare...not the baking part, but the baking cornbread. He eats the whole thing and I can't have him do that!) But honey is so versatile and can be used in many different situations.

Situation #1
You have a sore throat. It hurts to talk (which could hurt some of your ego's). With a large serving spoon in hand, pour some honey into the spoon and top it off with lemon juice. This is the hard part, swallow it without water. You can do this every few hours until your symptoms clear up. Honey can soothe your raw tissues with it's powerful antimicrobial properties. So drink up!

Situation #2
Ugh, your skin is dry and dull looking. Or your skin is oily like the Middle East! Take one to two tablespoons of honey with 1/3 cup of oatmeal (ground). Mix and spread on your clean face. If you want it thicker, add more honey. Relax, enjoy the smells. But if it's going to make you vomit, add some rose water to the mix. You can do this once a week. Just make sure to wash it off.

Situation #3
You’re camping. It's great. The campfire, the cheese hotdogs, the twigs. You fall on your way to your tent and cut open your leg. Now most campers would be prepared with a little first aid kit, but if you didn't happen to have one, take your flashlight (you brought one of those right?) and see how bad it is. Clean up your wound and pour some honey on it. This isn't a permanent solution, but it should take care of you until you get home to clean it up. Honey will prevent things like dirt--which is all around you--from getting into the wound. Next time bring a first aid kit.

Situation #4
You are exhausted because you just finished getting your ass kicked in your spin class, right? Honey can give you a boost of energy because it's absorbed directly into the bloodstream without digestion. Amazing! Mix a tablespoonful into a glass of water and drink up. You can also do this about half and hour before your workout. So next time you'll be kicking ass instead of an ass-kicking.

Situation #5
You've learned you can use honey to bake with. Congrats! But measuring it can be a problem because of its sticky-ness. Just spray a non-stick spray in your measuring cup. Problem solved.

Just a reminder for those of you with babies, never give honey to babies under 1. As great as it is, it does have botulism spores which can cause serious gastrointestinal problems and possible death. Hey, I remembered something from all those nutrition classes I took!

Now go and add honey to your life--or to your cornbread.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Most Extreme Humiliation

They say in a marriage you have to laugh. Well that's easy for me since I laugh at everything I see. People slipping on iced sidewalks, the dog falling down the stairs, stupid drivers turning down a one way street...the wrong way. Laughing is part of who I am. And Justin making me laugh is part of who he is.

But sometimes it's just easier to laugh at others, especially when they are being humiliated on cable t.v.

Most Extreme Elimination Challenge, or MXC as we call it, is basically a real life version of Super Mario Brothers. Or at least that's how Justin and I describe it. It has obstacle courses with zany stunts that most of the participants can't finish. They usually land in sludge, water or nets. Or they just slip on their asses or get hit in the head. No matter what, it's hilarious.

Based in Japan during the mid to late 80's, Takeshi's Castle was a popular game show/reality show that featured ordinary Japanese citizens who's mission was to complete the various physical stunts. Stunts like Sinkers and Floaters,Wall Bangers, Rotating Surf Board of Death, Ball Busters (Justin's favorite), Dope on a Rope and Log Drop (my favorite).

Obviously the stunt names are not the real names in the show since it's dubbed in English with crazy and possibly fake story lines. They make up names of contestants like Babaganoosh (a different baba in every episode), 59 cent, Danny Glands and Ryan Seachest.

The laugh factor is the stunts themselves. The contestants try and most fail. They fall in unusual positions. Most look like they get hurt, but they get up and walk away. They get hit in the head or other areas that you know hurt. They hang on for dear life and yet they still fall. Some make it amazingly and we are amazed. And the best part of this is they are only wearing helmets. And most of the time they come off! Obviously this type of standard would not be allowed in the U.S. because our nature to sue if we get hurt. But these people are there for whatever prize they are seeking. It could be the prize of humiliation because I'm still laughing at the guy who tried to do a back flip but didn't quite make it...he landed on his head.

Justin and I watch MXC every day and we laugh every day. Even when you don't want to, you do. Laughing is the best medicine for everything. And I thinks it's probably safer than landing on your head.