My Man Strongbad

Strongbad likes you, Air Supply, body spray, diet root beer, rubberbands, bean burritos, spackle and old college id's.

Strongbad hates Lenny Kravitz, bad pet owners, Wal-Mart, pens, flute players at the bus stop, Hummers, Extreme Home Make-Over and AutoZone.

Hot Tip #1: Wedding Etiquette

It's your first wedding, but you aren't getting married. You've been invited to a friends wedding. Or it could be a co-workers but either way, there is etiquette that you should follow. It's simple and if you follow it, you'll have a great time at anybody's wedding.

First off, always dress nice. Even if it says, "Join us while we get married under water!" If you're a chick, wear a necklace. A guy, a tie. Think of it as going to church even though you probably haven't gone in years. Don't worry, you won't burn the second you walk into the chapel. I've already tested that theory.

Don't draw attention to yourself. Meaning: don't wear white. That's the brides job and she will take care of it just fine. She doesn't need someone stealing her show. Guys, this goes for you too. Don't wear white unless it's a white button-down shirt with a tie. If you've got balls, a bow-tie will work too.

During the receiving line (or greeting line after the ceremony), don't make rude comments like, "Your music wasn't loud enough," or "I really didn't hear your vows very well." This is a happy time, lie if you have too. "Oh what wonderful music and your vows were so original." Keep the comments short and the kisses to a minimum because the happy couple have many people to receive. They can't be spending all their time on you.

One of the most important rules is don't get drunk at the reception. Just because it's an open bar doesn't mean you have to drink everything in sight. You'll just embarrass yourself and the people who invited you. It just might be the last thing they'll ever invite you to. So remember that. "Hmm, if I want to walk outta here, 7 cosmos should be enough."

And if people look at you funny while you are dancing, you should stop. Especially if you dance like Elaine from Seinfeld. Oh man that's some bad dancing. Just remember that a reception is a party for the couple and all their family and friends. So have fun and remember the rules. You just might be invited to another one. And if this is your wedding, you can get drunk.

Say What?

Justin and I have come across many interesting people, most of whom are right here in Las Vegas. What's great about these people is we usually take home what they said to us and laugh about it. Then it turns into something we will say on a regular basis.

First off, a woman named Sweet: Sweet is just a nickname for....actually I have no clue what her real name it but everyone at his work calls her Sweet. When Justin first started working at The Selling Source, he did a lot of stuff for their call center where Sweet is the mother of all call centers. One time, when we were down to one car, I went to pick him up. I took Scully along for the ride. We pulled up and I got out to walk her while waiting for him to come out. Sweet was out with some other call center peeps and she said, "What kind dog that iz?" Just then Justin came out, "Min Pin." "J-Dog, is that your dog?" "Yep," Justin said. "Nuh-Huh, Nuh-Huh." She kept saying. We just laughed and walked to the car.

Then late one night, I got a call, "Hello?" "Is J-dog there?" "Um, I think you've got the wrong number." "Oh ok, no J-dog?" "Nope." I hung up. Actually I couldn't really understand her, she said it so fast. Then the phone rang again. "Hello?" "Um, Hi, I got this number for Justin." "Is this Sweet?" "Ya (giggle)" "I'm sorry did you just call looking for 'J-dog'?" "Ya that's what I call him." So I handed the phone to J-dog and say, "It's Sweet, Nuh-Huh."

Great Clips Chick: I have to remind Justin to get a hair cut. He'll go when I'm reminding him everyday. So the first time he got his hair cut here in Las Vegas, he went to a Great Clips. He came back laughing as he walked in. "Nice and short, the way I like it. Looks good J-dog." "Haha, the woman who cut my hair said 'You look like a new man!'" After every hair cut, he looks like a new man and I make sure I say it.

The 7-11 lady: The week before Thanksgiving the show Medium had this 3D episode. I had never seen an episode and I wasn't about to watch just because it was all like Michael Jackson's movie at Disneyland. But Justin wanted to watch it. I told him that he could get the 3D glasses in TV Guide. So on Thanksgiving day we went driving around looking for that issue.

One of the last places we went to was a 7-11. I walked in, located the magazine rack past all the slot machines. I looked....nothing. So I started to walk out. The lady behind the counter said, "Are you looking for something?" "TV Guide?" "Naw, everyone wants those glaa-sses." I smiled and walked out. I got to the car and he asked if they had it, I blurted out, "Naw, everyone wants those glaa-sses!"

Other 7-11 person: This actually happened in Denver, but we like to say it all the time. Justin and I drove from SLC to Denver to see a Drum Corps show. We went to the practice site of Phantome Regiment. It was hot out so we went to the gas station for some poweraide. He ran in while I waited in the cool car. He came out with the aides and laughed, "The guy behind the counter looked at my plate and said, 'U-taah, HUH?'" So eventhough we don't live in U-taah, HUH anymore, we still like to say it when we see a plate.

With each new encounter of someone, either at a 7-11 or at a Great Clips, we are bound to end up with a new comment in our relationship. J-dog is still looking for those glaa-sses though.

All I Want for Christmas is One More Week

Soon the days will consist of me actually getting up early and going somewhere. Yes I got a job but luckily I don't start until January. Phew! I have one more week of sleeping in, lounging around in my pj's, and eating breakfast at 2 pm. But what makes this week even more special is that it's during Christmas. And during Christmas, all networks have some sort of marathon (NO NOT AGAIN!!) of a classic show, movie or event.

Ok to start: All night on Christmas Eve, TBS will show A Christmas Story. And I mean all night and through the next day. How can you go wrong. If you miss a part, don't worry, it'll be back on. And on and on and on. This will be a dream. I love it when they do that!

Also on TBS, they are doing some of the great Seinfeld episodes. Of course the Festavis for the rest of us will be shown. What's Christmas without a classic Seinfeld (especially the Festavis episode). I wonder how they choose. It would be tough for me to choose. And only 2 hours.... that doesn't leave much time for anything. So I'm probably going to watch all 4. It's Christmas and my last week of maxing and relaxing.

And a classic that I love; Star Wars. What's great about this is most channels show all three. But I don't know if I'll be looking forward to all 6. That's just way too much Star Wars. Watching the first one makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and I generally take a nap. It's a good nap time movie. Don't expect me to stay awake after the first 20 minutes. It won't happen.

So with all the t.v., book reading, napping and game playing, my last week of non-working time will be great. But I do look forward to my first paycheck that isn't from Unemployment. Oh what things I'll buy. But for now, I'll just enjoy my time and my cereal at 2 pm.

The Season of Amazing People

It's great that the Christmas season brings out the best in people. And by Christmas season I also mean Holiday season. Since when did the term "Merry Christmas" bother so many? I am just amazed at how bent out of shape some people are over the meaning of it. Are you also bent out of shape about giving? Not necessarily giving of gifts, but giving of your time and heart to others? Dropping a buck or two in the red can? Smiling at someone who looks like they need it? I bet not because you might be too busy worrying over what to tell the check-out girl "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holiday's". It's ok, we all get confused.

Before I moved to Las Vegas I was intimidated by Vegans (not the non-meat eating peeps). Every time I would visit they were rude on the road, rude in stores and even some of our friends were rude. But now I know why. We are all just transplants. Nobody is really from Las Vegas. But I still don't understand why this give anyone the authoriti to be rude or just embarrassing to the human race. And it seems that during this Christmas/Holiday season it is more apparent.

For example, I was at Wal-Mart (ok, I guess I only find this at Wal-Mart but I normally ignore these people) and I thought it'd be nice to park far away so all the people who needed to park close can. See the spirit is just flowing through me. So I started my trek to the front entrance and as I got closer I saw a woman with features like a very butch woman (you know....not that there's anything wrong with that). But wait, she had three kids with her, oh and there was another woman that appeared out of the car. So I was probably right about my first impression. But before I can even come to that conclusion, Butch says "I'll shove that right up your a**!" to the 7 year-old girl.

I looked around to make sure she wasn't talk to me. I don't need anything shoved up my a**. But no she really did say it to this little girl. I should have taken that as a hint from the Christmas spirit to leave that store before I even set foot in there, but I didn't. I should have known better.

I was almost to the front door (it was a long walk) when I got to the cross walk. I watched a van passed, looked both ways and started across. Just then I heard, "You trying to kill my baby and me? I'm trying to f***ing walk here! Slow the f*** down!"

I should have just turned around and went to my friendly grocery store where people don't talk trash to their seven year olds. Where people don't yell at passing cars (who were through the cross walk and you walked in front of them, idiot!). Who are these people? Where do I live? How did they get so rude?

My Christmas message: I've learned that you can't help how others act while walking into Wal-Mart even if it is the Christmas season. And the second message to all my friends: Don't be rude or I won't be your friend, transplant or not.

Now go out there and shop, drop a buck and enjoy the holiday's with nice people. Man I'd kick my mom if she said that to me!

Lenny Krap-itz

Some of my friends, including Justin know my feelings towards Lenny. I've never really hated a musician as much as I hate him. I think what did it was just the latest crap that he's been putting out there. Mostly the covers that he's ruined. American Woman by The Guess Who....well that's the only cover that I can think of that he sucked up. But his other songs suck too. Are You Gonna Go My Way?, Fly Away and the most awful song in the world, Lady. Oh geez! And if your asking, yes, I've heard them all the way through. How else was I going to come to this conclusion?

I would change the channel as fast as I could when any of the above listed songs came on. One time I even walked out of a bar that was playing one of his songs. There was nothing I could do but just wait it out. So with beer in my hand, I walked out and said, "Let me know when it's over!" I can't stand his voice or the crap that is his music (sorry Lenny and Lenny fans but this is my blog!).

Even stuff on t.v. about him, I just say, "Isn't there some sort of operation I could watch on Discovery Health Channel or a baseball game?" I did catch a small story about him totally by accident. He doesn't wear underwear. Who cares! Honestly, who wants to know if you don't practice good hygiene or not. Let's just keep that information out of the public and not influence the weak. We really don't need anymore people walking around with no underwear on.

Recently something happened to me that I'm totally embarrassed to tell people. I guess not too embarrassed because I called Justin the second it happened. Remember my cool satellite radio? Well it's so cool that it will tell you the artist and song title. It comes in handy when you really like a song or when Lenny comes on. Lenny came on and I didn't even know it! I was listening to my 90's and Now station and a song came on that I hadn't heard since High School. I actually said this aloud, "Oh my garage! I love this song!" And the second I finished saying that, I looked down at my satellite gadget and it said Lenny Kravitz! NO! NO! NO! It can't be! I wouldn't have been this dumb in High School! I was so disappointed in myself that I kept listening to it and sang it too while I called Justin to tell him how disappointed I was.

"Guess what I'm listening too?" "Um, I have no idea." "Lenny Kravitz (in a sad voice)." It was a mix of sadness and memories of when I liked it. So then I started to rationalize that it was ok to listen to it and enjoy it because to me, in the 90's, he was a nobody. I probably didn't even know who Lenny Kravitz was back then. It was just one song in a mix of 90's rock that bombarded my car speakers every day. He was a nobody to me then so I can listen to that song. But nothing else!

So Lenny, I do like one of your songs. But that's it! As much as I like that song, I'm not going to buy the album it's on. Nope. I guess it would be appropriate that the song title is It Ain't Over Til It's Over. But I think it's over.

It's End-A-Thon

Finally, the big day happened. I got married! Oh wait, I did that already. Oh, what happened yesterday? Oh ya, duh the marathon! First off let me tell you, your mental capacity is at a critical stage at the end of it. Basically, you can't really comprehend anything because all your smarts went to your muscles to explain in great lengths why you are doing this. It sucked. I'm still rebuilding my smarts so if you see spelling errors and such, just dismiss it.

I had no problems waking up on time (4 am) since I didn't really sleep anyway. I felt good and ready to go. I walked outside and was glad I had chosen to run in a long sleeved shirt because, as Justin says, it was colder than a witches tit.

They lined up our training group up right behind the elite athletes. Which I thought was great until I realized about 10,000 people were behind me! I really didn't want to get passed as much as I did but I had no choice. So the buzzer sounded and I got to take one step, then stood still, then the crowd started moving. I moved with them for about 3 steps and they all took off! I was kinda freaking out because people were just buzzing by me. I kept thinking "go your pace, not theirs." But the peer pressure was on. And so, for the first 3 miles, I was blazing like a hot wing down the strip.

The first 13 miles were great. I had a lot of fun once I found the people I'd be with the rest of the day (us 'easy runners'). After the first half it was a different story. The winds were very, very strong. It was really cold even when there weren't any winds. So that took some life out of you. Plus being in the neighborhoods was kinda boring. But I pushed through it.



The last 6 miles were the toughest. I ran down the hills, taking advantage of gravity. And walked up them. Everything started to hurt. I realized this is why only 2% of the population runs marathons. It hurts and then you are stupid. What kinda torture was this? But if I wanted to get in my car and go home, which was parked at Mandalay Bay, I had to finish.

So I came around the last corner and people were still there cheering everyone coming in. I heard my name everywhere, "Go Jessi!!" "You can do it!" For a second there I thought I had some fans, but then I remembered my name was on my bib. See the smarts were gone. One voice I did recognize was Justin's. He was standing on something that made him look like a giant. For all I know he could have been on Todd's shoulders. I sprinted towards the finish line and thought, "I'm never doing this again." I don't care about my time, I just wanted to finish.

I don't know that Bear's fan, but he looks happy to be in my photo.

I got my medal, my silver blanket (wow, that kept me warm) and met Justin and Todd. I took a finishers photo then J and T took some photos. By now, I couldn't think or walk very well. But I knew I was done.

So thank you to all the well-wishers and fans along the route. Thank you Todd, Laura, Carly and Diahanna for waking up early and coming out in the cold (or for partying all night and then coming out. Either way works!). To both sets of parents for the basket-o-food (much needed carbs) and the beautiful roses.



And of course the man who drove me there at 4:30 am, Justin. Who told me that he'd never run more than a mile with me, but ended up doing 6.5 one time. You rock! And I didn't forget all the other people who wished me well and in the same breath, told me I was crazy. I wasn't crazy before I ran, but I sure was afterwards.

UPDATE: Dear Extreme Home Make-Over,

I just wanted to update you on our situation. Since you've neglected our request for some help, someone else came through, my parents. I got my ceiling fans in all 3 bedrooms. And they were much better than you could ever be on your show! They even took us out to eat for dinner. So take that pink lover, gay guy, cry baby and Tim.

My Favorite Past Christmas Gifts

If you were looking at getting me something for Christmas, here's a list of things not to get me because I already have them but I love them.

First off, one from Justin. When we were first dating, he came out to Utah to visit me for the Holiday's. He totally surprised me with a ring! No not an engagement ring (that happened a year or so later in Vegas, totally different story). But a beautiful white gold band with a square tanzinite stone with 2 diamonds on each side. I was shocked and wasn't expecting it at all. The ring was great but I loved the surprise element.

I'd show you a picture of it but I'm not. You're just gonna have to trust me on this.

Next would be a stereo system I got in 8th grade. For years I was listening to my Paula Abdul cassette tapes in this little tape player that sucked. It SUCKED! So I'm sure I annoyed my parents to death begging for a stereo and with something called a CD player. So I got it and I rocked out to P.D. only a few more times because then I got a Reba CD (shut up, I'm from Texas).

But the country didn't last when I moved into 9th grade (High School). And tapes didn't last either. But that stereo did and I still have it. It keeps Justin occupied in the garage while he's changing my oil.



Next would be a sandwich maker from my granny. Justin and I both agreed for a long time that it was by far one of the best gifts we'd gotten. Don't be offended. Everyone has received a gift that they love, hate or use a lot. And we use the granny sandwich maker a lot. What makes it great is we love grilled cheese sandwiches. It even cuts it diagonally for you. But you don't have to stop with grilled cheeses. We sometimes add meat to our cheese sandwiches. One time I used it to make pancakes! No one said pancakes had to be flat and round. They were great. Multi-uses = granny sandwich maker.



Last would be a magazine subscription. Actually I've had a few. I got Seventeen when I was 13 or something like that. Later when I'd outgrown it (at 17, who would have thought), I wanted Cosmo, but my mom said it was porn so I never got it. My mother-in-law got me Shape one year but I didn't renew it because it was the same every issue. "Loose 80% of your body fat in 3 weeks with our easy shape up plan!" Yeah right, you promised that last month. Actually it did have great articles on nutrition which I liked. My minor is nutrition, so put down that bowl of ice cream and switch it out for frozen yogurt.

I did eventually get a Cosmo subscription from Justin. I look at it once and I'm done. He likes to read it in depth so maybe it was a good buy. But my favorite subscription is Consumer Reports. We got it as a gift for Christmas a few years ago and we just keep renewing it. I just love it! Coffee makers, digital cameras, wine, laundry detergent, bottled water....the reporting never ends! And I love to read the last page (if you get the magazine, you know what I'm talking about). They publish all the mistakes done in ads all across America.

My favorite was a photo of an elderly man living his life, looking happy. It was for a retirement home. Then another ad used the same photo of the man, but this time it was for a funeral home. I guess he died! Good times. Consumer Reports has everything you want in a magazine. Information, humor, photos and ads. You can't go wrong with it. I highly suggest you invest in it.



So there you have it. Don't get me any of these. Well unless you want to renew my subscription to Consumer Reports again. Don't worry about Cosmo, I already did it for myself. And despite what you see on that cover, it's not porn Mom.

Abandoned Park

Going to the dog park is a luxury for Scully. She spends the first 15 minutes sniffing every inch of the place. Even when other dogs want to greet and play. She's just gotta sniff. But once that's done, it's time to play.

Some days there are tons of dogs. Some stupid looking and shy and others very aggressive and fast. Scully is right in the middle. She has fun until she thinks she getting hurt. One time some owners brought their big dogs (and this park was for little dogs under 10 lbs.). I guess they just liked to play with the little dogs; chasing and making them fear for their lives. They happened upon Scully after she was done with her sniffing routine. They took one look at her and went after her. She of course took off, fearing for her life. Even though she's little, they couldn't keep up with her. But she felt them on her tail so she was crying as loud as she could while she ran. It was actually funny. They weren't anywhere near her and yet she cried. And me, being the bad mother, just laughed and let her run herself out. I knew she could out-run them.

Some dogs are just so happy to be there. They don't have any aggression towards any dog or person. They are just around for a good time. Today a funny looking dog named Oliver was having a good time with a female dog. I don't know her name because someone left her there. She didn't have any tags or even a collar. She was so sweet and loving to everyone in the park, but she didn't have an owner. So the stories starting to fly.

"I saw someone let her in then they drove off." "I think someone called animal control but they aren't here yet." "She's probably starving." "Looks like she just had a puppies." "Oliver, get off her!"

I started thinking other things: "Maybe the owners are out shopping for the puppies and thought she needed a break from them," or "Her owners are probably just walking around the park," or "She looks happy to be rid of them." You can't always go off of what you see. I'm sure there was a reason for her being left there. But here are the facts:

1)When I got there, eyewitnesses said she had been there since they got there; over an hour.
2)She did look like she just had puppies.
3)She didn't have any form of identification.
4)And for being a pit bull mix, she was extremely friendly and very playful towards everyone.

So my conclusion: She had the puppies, they got rid of her and sold the puppies for Christmas money. I don't approve of this at all. I don't like to voice my opinion on my blog about anything that can cause a fire, but this is one I can't stand to be quiet on. There is a huge problem with people, not dogs.

It is not the dogs fault that it got pregnant, it is yours for not being responsible. It is not the dogs fault for having accidents in your house, it is yours for not being responsible. It is not the dogs fault for chewing up your shoes or other belongings, it is yours for not being responsible. It is your responsibility for training the dog to be what you expect of it. Trust me, I've had many, many problems with Scully. But now that she's trained and knows what's expected of her in our house, she's the best dog and I would never dump her at the dog park.

I suggest (even if you don't have a dog) you read this article. It will give you insight on how we've been wrong about their behavior. They aren't humans but they should get the respect and treatment they deserve.

I know she will end up in a better home than what she was in previously. And hopefully she'll be just as spoiled as Scully. So please be responsible when thinking of bringing home a puppy for your kids this Christmas. Scully will chase you down at the dog park if she has too.