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Friday, October 14, 2005

Just Humming Along

In Texas, everything is bigger. In Las Vegas, everything is bigger but with chrome. We have a lot of high rollers here. Some are real and some are pretending. If they are good at pretending, then you'd never know they were faking. Unless the car gives it away. One very common car that gives it away the Taurus. This would be a normal, family sedan but somehow it has become a pimped out vehicle. Dark tint, lots of chrome and many dents. That is the common pretend 'high roller' car here in Vegas.

But remember those high rollers I told you about--the real ones. They drive things like Mercedes, Lotus' and Hummers. A Mercedes, fine, it's a nice brand of vehicle if you take care of them. Keep them clean and looking as expensive as possible. The Lotus, I only brought that up because my friend Aaron has one. You'd think it's a clown car by looking at it. It's very small--it's a wee one. You'd think for so much money you'd get something bigger, but in this case no, wee.

On the other hand, the Hummer started off big and 3 models later, they are still big. I guess the H3 is a little smaller than my house, but they are selling it as "baby bears" size from the Goldie Locks story. Oh, cute it was just right.

I recently witnessed the Hummer (original) try to act like it's little sister, the H3. I pulled into the drive-thru at the local coffee shop and she pulled in behind me. Not a big deal except she blocked the whole driveway for the other parked people to get out. Number 1. Number 2, I don't think she could see me in my little WRX because she kept creaping when I wasn't even moving. Number 3, when the drive-thru line turned to head to the window, she couldn't make the turn AT ALL. She curbed it.

Now I've owned a jeep before and I would purposely curb it, but my turning radius was much better than any Geo or Kia ever made. So it was more fun for me. But this woman had to do it. I almost wished that she just scraped the side of her Hummer because she was on the phone too. If she can afford to talk on the phone and drive such a beast in a drive-thru made for cars like mine and order starbucks with 3 splenda's, then she can afford a few scratches.

So all you high rollers, fake or not, clown cars or monster beasts, please watch out for us non-high rollers. We don't want to have to sue you.

20 comments:

TonyM said...

You think women drive such big cars to 'feel the power' between their legs?

Jessi said...

Maybe, she was ugly. So she might have needed something.

TonyM said...

RRRRrrrRRRRR! Batteries not included?

Jessi said...

Shhh! This is a family show!

Geoff said...

Wannabe high-roller. --------->

TonyM said...

G - what's your pimped out ride? Sonata? Spectra? Pacer?

Geoff said...

I roll on a scooter. 49cc's of crotch rumbling power, top speed at a breath taking 45mph.

Don't hate, yo.

TonyM said...

Dude! That's AWESOME! Take it on some sweet jumps?

Geoff said...

I tried once and wrecked the bearings in the front.

Actually, that really wasn't a sweet jump. I just hit a speed bump too hard.

Nice Napoleon reference, though. :)

Jessi said...

BTW Poodle--Tony hates N. Dynamite.

TonyM said...

Poodle? is this guy straight?

Jessi said...

Umm I'll let Poodle answer that.

Geoff said...

Depends how many beers you buy me

TonyM said...

a keg? - oh wait, jessi says you need to run so maybe you SHOULDN'T be drinking any beer!

Jessi said...

Ouch! Hey I had one beer the other night. Yes it was my first in a long time, but I still had it!

Geoff said...

I've still been having a few beers, but they are Mich Ultras. Not sure that counts.

TonyM said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
TonyM said...

Mich Ultras? P***Y!

Aaron said...

Just cause you drive a Lotus does not mean you are a High Roller, and it is not a clown car, cause there is no way you are going to fit more then 2 people in it, even if you tried to stuff them in :)

Jessi said...

Very true Lotus owner. When Justin told me that he hit his KNEE on the top of the car getting in, I knew it was something I had to see.