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Monday, January 09, 2006

Your Words on my Blog

Want More Money?

Seeking a new career? Be a monkey or just look like one! In just 27 sessions, we can have you idiotically, rashly, and falling like a top-paying Tivo. Opportunities in this sassy field are limitless. There is no fee! Just come in for a free consultation. Our expert jockstraps will analyze your condom and determine your potential for success in this unintelligent field. Use your natural rosebush to earn itchy money and have time to yodel your dreams, too. Just ask Sweet, who came to us looking like a dryer sheet out of feta cheese and in just ten days we improved her tape 100%. We even corrected her horrible athletes foot spray. It was just in the nick of time because the rubber Squad was ready to ban her from the crockpot. Don't wait another day. Time is running out.

Proverbs for my Mad Lib readers:

Too many helmets spoil the oranges.
People who live in rapid homes shouldn't throw Kleenex.
The shortest distance between two reindeer's is a straight condom.
Love of scissors is the root of all evil.
A lazy stone gathers no rosebush.
A clock a day keeps the monkey away.
He who disrobes last humps best.
An athletes foot spray in time saves 1.
You can't keep a luscious man down.
You can't teach a hot jockstrap new tricks.
Life is limp, life is bulky, and the tape is not the goal.
The way to a man's Tivo is through his crockpot.


Jessi said...

I never said they'd be funny. I think I've seen that first ad before!

Writinggal said...

If you lie down with jock straps you'll come up with crock pots.

Writinggal said...

The early monkey gets the feta cheese!

Jessi said...

Good proverbs WG. Lying down with jock straps is always risky.

michael said...

"You can't keep a luscious man down."

This is my new motto.

Jessi said...

I knew YOU would like that one luscious man.

Todd said...

"People who live in rapid homes shouldn't throw Kleenex." This is the best proverb ever and I will endeavor to fit it into my daily usage.

Jessi said...

Not the "love of scissors?"

TonyM said...

i always disrobe last!

Jessi said...

We all know you do T.