My Man Strongbad

Strongbad likes you, Air Supply, body spray, diet root beer, rubberbands, bean burritos, spackle and old college id's.

Strongbad hates Lenny Kravitz, bad pet owners, Wal-Mart, pens, flute players at the bus stop, Hummers, Extreme Home Make-Over and AutoZone.

Hot Tip #1: Wedding Etiquette

It's your first wedding, but you aren't getting married. You've been invited to a friends wedding. Or it could be a co-workers but either way, there is etiquette that you should follow. It's simple and if you follow it, you'll have a great time at anybody's wedding.

First off, always dress nice. Even if it says, "Join us while we get married under water!" If you're a chick, wear a necklace. A guy, a tie. Think of it as going to church even though you probably haven't gone in years. Don't worry, you won't burn the second you walk into the chapel. I've already tested that theory.

Don't draw attention to yourself. Meaning: don't wear white. That's the brides job and she will take care of it just fine. She doesn't need someone stealing her show. Guys, this goes for you too. Don't wear white unless it's a white button-down shirt with a tie. If you've got balls, a bow-tie will work too.

During the receiving line (or greeting line after the ceremony), don't make rude comments like, "Your music wasn't loud enough," or "I really didn't hear your vows very well." This is a happy time, lie if you have too. "Oh what wonderful music and your vows were so original." Keep the comments short and the kisses to a minimum because the happy couple have many people to receive. They can't be spending all their time on you.

One of the most important rules is don't get drunk at the reception. Just because it's an open bar doesn't mean you have to drink everything in sight. You'll just embarrass yourself and the people who invited you. It just might be the last thing they'll ever invite you to. So remember that. "Hmm, if I want to walk outta here, 7 cosmos should be enough."

And if people look at you funny while you are dancing, you should stop. Especially if you dance like Elaine from Seinfeld. Oh man that's some bad dancing. Just remember that a reception is a party for the couple and all their family and friends. So have fun and remember the rules. You just might be invited to another one. And if this is your wedding, you can get drunk.

Say What?

Justin and I have come across many interesting people, most of whom are right here in Las Vegas. What's great about these people is we usually take home what they said to us and laugh about it. Then it turns into something we will say on a regular basis.

First off, a woman named Sweet: Sweet is just a nickname for....actually I have no clue what her real name it but everyone at his work calls her Sweet. When Justin first started working at The Selling Source, he did a lot of stuff for their call center where Sweet is the mother of all call centers. One time, when we were down to one car, I went to pick him up. I took Scully along for the ride. We pulled up and I got out to walk her while waiting for him to come out. Sweet was out with some other call center peeps and she said, "What kind dog that iz?" Just then Justin came out, "Min Pin." "J-Dog, is that your dog?" "Yep," Justin said. "Nuh-Huh, Nuh-Huh." She kept saying. We just laughed and walked to the car.

Then late one night, I got a call, "Hello?" "Is J-dog there?" "Um, I think you've got the wrong number." "Oh ok, no J-dog?" "Nope." I hung up. Actually I couldn't really understand her, she said it so fast. Then the phone rang again. "Hello?" "Um, Hi, I got this number for Justin." "Is this Sweet?" "Ya (giggle)" "I'm sorry did you just call looking for 'J-dog'?" "Ya that's what I call him." So I handed the phone to J-dog and say, "It's Sweet, Nuh-Huh."

Great Clips Chick: I have to remind Justin to get a hair cut. He'll go when I'm reminding him everyday. So the first time he got his hair cut here in Las Vegas, he went to a Great Clips. He came back laughing as he walked in. "Nice and short, the way I like it. Looks good J-dog." "Haha, the woman who cut my hair said 'You look like a new man!'" After every hair cut, he looks like a new man and I make sure I say it.

The 7-11 lady: The week before Thanksgiving the show Medium had this 3D episode. I had never seen an episode and I wasn't about to watch just because it was all like Michael Jackson's movie at Disneyland. But Justin wanted to watch it. I told him that he could get the 3D glasses in TV Guide. So on Thanksgiving day we went driving around looking for that issue.

One of the last places we went to was a 7-11. I walked in, located the magazine rack past all the slot machines. I looked....nothing. So I started to walk out. The lady behind the counter said, "Are you looking for something?" "TV Guide?" "Naw, everyone wants those glaa-sses." I smiled and walked out. I got to the car and he asked if they had it, I blurted out, "Naw, everyone wants those glaa-sses!"

Other 7-11 person: This actually happened in Denver, but we like to say it all the time. Justin and I drove from SLC to Denver to see a Drum Corps show. We went to the practice site of Phantome Regiment. It was hot out so we went to the gas station for some poweraide. He ran in while I waited in the cool car. He came out with the aides and laughed, "The guy behind the counter looked at my plate and said, 'U-taah, HUH?'" So eventhough we don't live in U-taah, HUH anymore, we still like to say it when we see a plate.

With each new encounter of someone, either at a 7-11 or at a Great Clips, we are bound to end up with a new comment in our relationship. J-dog is still looking for those glaa-sses though.

All I Want for Christmas is One More Week

Soon the days will consist of me actually getting up early and going somewhere. Yes I got a job but luckily I don't start until January. Phew! I have one more week of sleeping in, lounging around in my pj's, and eating breakfast at 2 pm. But what makes this week even more special is that it's during Christmas. And during Christmas, all networks have some sort of marathon (NO NOT AGAIN!!) of a classic show, movie or event.

Ok to start: All night on Christmas Eve, TBS will show A Christmas Story. And I mean all night and through the next day. How can you go wrong. If you miss a part, don't worry, it'll be back on. And on and on and on. This will be a dream. I love it when they do that!

Also on TBS, they are doing some of the great Seinfeld episodes. Of course the Festavis for the rest of us will be shown. What's Christmas without a classic Seinfeld (especially the Festavis episode). I wonder how they choose. It would be tough for me to choose. And only 2 hours.... that doesn't leave much time for anything. So I'm probably going to watch all 4. It's Christmas and my last week of maxing and relaxing.

And a classic that I love; Star Wars. What's great about this is most channels show all three. But I don't know if I'll be looking forward to all 6. That's just way too much Star Wars. Watching the first one makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and I generally take a nap. It's a good nap time movie. Don't expect me to stay awake after the first 20 minutes. It won't happen.

So with all the t.v., book reading, napping and game playing, my last week of non-working time will be great. But I do look forward to my first paycheck that isn't from Unemployment. Oh what things I'll buy. But for now, I'll just enjoy my time and my cereal at 2 pm.

The Season of Amazing People

It's great that the Christmas season brings out the best in people. And by Christmas season I also mean Holiday season. Since when did the term "Merry Christmas" bother so many? I am just amazed at how bent out of shape some people are over the meaning of it. Are you also bent out of shape about giving? Not necessarily giving of gifts, but giving of your time and heart to others? Dropping a buck or two in the red can? Smiling at someone who looks like they need it? I bet not because you might be too busy worrying over what to tell the check-out girl "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holiday's". It's ok, we all get confused.

Before I moved to Las Vegas I was intimidated by Vegans (not the non-meat eating peeps). Every time I would visit they were rude on the road, rude in stores and even some of our friends were rude. But now I know why. We are all just transplants. Nobody is really from Las Vegas. But I still don't understand why this give anyone the authoriti to be rude or just embarrassing to the human race. And it seems that during this Christmas/Holiday season it is more apparent.

For example, I was at Wal-Mart (ok, I guess I only find this at Wal-Mart but I normally ignore these people) and I thought it'd be nice to park far away so all the people who needed to park close can. See the spirit is just flowing through me. So I started my trek to the front entrance and as I got closer I saw a woman with features like a very butch woman (you know....not that there's anything wrong with that). But wait, she had three kids with her, oh and there was another woman that appeared out of the car. So I was probably right about my first impression. But before I can even come to that conclusion, Butch says "I'll shove that right up your a**!" to the 7 year-old girl.

I looked around to make sure she wasn't talk to me. I don't need anything shoved up my a**. But no she really did say it to this little girl. I should have taken that as a hint from the Christmas spirit to leave that store before I even set foot in there, but I didn't. I should have known better.

I was almost to the front door (it was a long walk) when I got to the cross walk. I watched a van passed, looked both ways and started across. Just then I heard, "You trying to kill my baby and me? I'm trying to f***ing walk here! Slow the f*** down!"

I should have just turned around and went to my friendly grocery store where people don't talk trash to their seven year olds. Where people don't yell at passing cars (who were through the cross walk and you walked in front of them, idiot!). Who are these people? Where do I live? How did they get so rude?

My Christmas message: I've learned that you can't help how others act while walking into Wal-Mart even if it is the Christmas season. And the second message to all my friends: Don't be rude or I won't be your friend, transplant or not.

Now go out there and shop, drop a buck and enjoy the holiday's with nice people. Man I'd kick my mom if she said that to me!

Lenny Krap-itz

Some of my friends, including Justin know my feelings towards Lenny. I've never really hated a musician as much as I hate him. I think what did it was just the latest crap that he's been putting out there. Mostly the covers that he's ruined. American Woman by The Guess Who....well that's the only cover that I can think of that he sucked up. But his other songs suck too. Are You Gonna Go My Way?, Fly Away and the most awful song in the world, Lady. Oh geez! And if your asking, yes, I've heard them all the way through. How else was I going to come to this conclusion?

I would change the channel as fast as I could when any of the above listed songs came on. One time I even walked out of a bar that was playing one of his songs. There was nothing I could do but just wait it out. So with beer in my hand, I walked out and said, "Let me know when it's over!" I can't stand his voice or the crap that is his music (sorry Lenny and Lenny fans but this is my blog!).

Even stuff on t.v. about him, I just say, "Isn't there some sort of operation I could watch on Discovery Health Channel or a baseball game?" I did catch a small story about him totally by accident. He doesn't wear underwear. Who cares! Honestly, who wants to know if you don't practice good hygiene or not. Let's just keep that information out of the public and not influence the weak. We really don't need anymore people walking around with no underwear on.

Recently something happened to me that I'm totally embarrassed to tell people. I guess not too embarrassed because I called Justin the second it happened. Remember my cool satellite radio? Well it's so cool that it will tell you the artist and song title. It comes in handy when you really like a song or when Lenny comes on. Lenny came on and I didn't even know it! I was listening to my 90's and Now station and a song came on that I hadn't heard since High School. I actually said this aloud, "Oh my garage! I love this song!" And the second I finished saying that, I looked down at my satellite gadget and it said Lenny Kravitz! NO! NO! NO! It can't be! I wouldn't have been this dumb in High School! I was so disappointed in myself that I kept listening to it and sang it too while I called Justin to tell him how disappointed I was.

"Guess what I'm listening too?" "Um, I have no idea." "Lenny Kravitz (in a sad voice)." It was a mix of sadness and memories of when I liked it. So then I started to rationalize that it was ok to listen to it and enjoy it because to me, in the 90's, he was a nobody. I probably didn't even know who Lenny Kravitz was back then. It was just one song in a mix of 90's rock that bombarded my car speakers every day. He was a nobody to me then so I can listen to that song. But nothing else!

So Lenny, I do like one of your songs. But that's it! As much as I like that song, I'm not going to buy the album it's on. Nope. I guess it would be appropriate that the song title is It Ain't Over Til It's Over. But I think it's over.

It's End-A-Thon

Finally, the big day happened. I got married! Oh wait, I did that already. Oh, what happened yesterday? Oh ya, duh the marathon! First off let me tell you, your mental capacity is at a critical stage at the end of it. Basically, you can't really comprehend anything because all your smarts went to your muscles to explain in great lengths why you are doing this. It sucked. I'm still rebuilding my smarts so if you see spelling errors and such, just dismiss it.

I had no problems waking up on time (4 am) since I didn't really sleep anyway. I felt good and ready to go. I walked outside and was glad I had chosen to run in a long sleeved shirt because, as Justin says, it was colder than a witches tit.

They lined up our training group up right behind the elite athletes. Which I thought was great until I realized about 10,000 people were behind me! I really didn't want to get passed as much as I did but I had no choice. So the buzzer sounded and I got to take one step, then stood still, then the crowd started moving. I moved with them for about 3 steps and they all took off! I was kinda freaking out because people were just buzzing by me. I kept thinking "go your pace, not theirs." But the peer pressure was on. And so, for the first 3 miles, I was blazing like a hot wing down the strip.

The first 13 miles were great. I had a lot of fun once I found the people I'd be with the rest of the day (us 'easy runners'). After the first half it was a different story. The winds were very, very strong. It was really cold even when there weren't any winds. So that took some life out of you. Plus being in the neighborhoods was kinda boring. But I pushed through it.



The last 6 miles were the toughest. I ran down the hills, taking advantage of gravity. And walked up them. Everything started to hurt. I realized this is why only 2% of the population runs marathons. It hurts and then you are stupid. What kinda torture was this? But if I wanted to get in my car and go home, which was parked at Mandalay Bay, I had to finish.

So I came around the last corner and people were still there cheering everyone coming in. I heard my name everywhere, "Go Jessi!!" "You can do it!" For a second there I thought I had some fans, but then I remembered my name was on my bib. See the smarts were gone. One voice I did recognize was Justin's. He was standing on something that made him look like a giant. For all I know he could have been on Todd's shoulders. I sprinted towards the finish line and thought, "I'm never doing this again." I don't care about my time, I just wanted to finish.

I don't know that Bear's fan, but he looks happy to be in my photo.

I got my medal, my silver blanket (wow, that kept me warm) and met Justin and Todd. I took a finishers photo then J and T took some photos. By now, I couldn't think or walk very well. But I knew I was done.

So thank you to all the well-wishers and fans along the route. Thank you Todd, Laura, Carly and Diahanna for waking up early and coming out in the cold (or for partying all night and then coming out. Either way works!). To both sets of parents for the basket-o-food (much needed carbs) and the beautiful roses.



And of course the man who drove me there at 4:30 am, Justin. Who told me that he'd never run more than a mile with me, but ended up doing 6.5 one time. You rock! And I didn't forget all the other people who wished me well and in the same breath, told me I was crazy. I wasn't crazy before I ran, but I sure was afterwards.

UPDATE: Dear Extreme Home Make-Over,

I just wanted to update you on our situation. Since you've neglected our request for some help, someone else came through, my parents. I got my ceiling fans in all 3 bedrooms. And they were much better than you could ever be on your show! They even took us out to eat for dinner. So take that pink lover, gay guy, cry baby and Tim.

My Favorite Past Christmas Gifts

If you were looking at getting me something for Christmas, here's a list of things not to get me because I already have them but I love them.

First off, one from Justin. When we were first dating, he came out to Utah to visit me for the Holiday's. He totally surprised me with a ring! No not an engagement ring (that happened a year or so later in Vegas, totally different story). But a beautiful white gold band with a square tanzinite stone with 2 diamonds on each side. I was shocked and wasn't expecting it at all. The ring was great but I loved the surprise element.

I'd show you a picture of it but I'm not. You're just gonna have to trust me on this.

Next would be a stereo system I got in 8th grade. For years I was listening to my Paula Abdul cassette tapes in this little tape player that sucked. It SUCKED! So I'm sure I annoyed my parents to death begging for a stereo and with something called a CD player. So I got it and I rocked out to P.D. only a few more times because then I got a Reba CD (shut up, I'm from Texas).

But the country didn't last when I moved into 9th grade (High School). And tapes didn't last either. But that stereo did and I still have it. It keeps Justin occupied in the garage while he's changing my oil.



Next would be a sandwich maker from my granny. Justin and I both agreed for a long time that it was by far one of the best gifts we'd gotten. Don't be offended. Everyone has received a gift that they love, hate or use a lot. And we use the granny sandwich maker a lot. What makes it great is we love grilled cheese sandwiches. It even cuts it diagonally for you. But you don't have to stop with grilled cheeses. We sometimes add meat to our cheese sandwiches. One time I used it to make pancakes! No one said pancakes had to be flat and round. They were great. Multi-uses = granny sandwich maker.



Last would be a magazine subscription. Actually I've had a few. I got Seventeen when I was 13 or something like that. Later when I'd outgrown it (at 17, who would have thought), I wanted Cosmo, but my mom said it was porn so I never got it. My mother-in-law got me Shape one year but I didn't renew it because it was the same every issue. "Loose 80% of your body fat in 3 weeks with our easy shape up plan!" Yeah right, you promised that last month. Actually it did have great articles on nutrition which I liked. My minor is nutrition, so put down that bowl of ice cream and switch it out for frozen yogurt.

I did eventually get a Cosmo subscription from Justin. I look at it once and I'm done. He likes to read it in depth so maybe it was a good buy. But my favorite subscription is Consumer Reports. We got it as a gift for Christmas a few years ago and we just keep renewing it. I just love it! Coffee makers, digital cameras, wine, laundry detergent, bottled water....the reporting never ends! And I love to read the last page (if you get the magazine, you know what I'm talking about). They publish all the mistakes done in ads all across America.

My favorite was a photo of an elderly man living his life, looking happy. It was for a retirement home. Then another ad used the same photo of the man, but this time it was for a funeral home. I guess he died! Good times. Consumer Reports has everything you want in a magazine. Information, humor, photos and ads. You can't go wrong with it. I highly suggest you invest in it.



So there you have it. Don't get me any of these. Well unless you want to renew my subscription to Consumer Reports again. Don't worry about Cosmo, I already did it for myself. And despite what you see on that cover, it's not porn Mom.

Abandoned Park

Going to the dog park is a luxury for Scully. She spends the first 15 minutes sniffing every inch of the place. Even when other dogs want to greet and play. She's just gotta sniff. But once that's done, it's time to play.

Some days there are tons of dogs. Some stupid looking and shy and others very aggressive and fast. Scully is right in the middle. She has fun until she thinks she getting hurt. One time some owners brought their big dogs (and this park was for little dogs under 10 lbs.). I guess they just liked to play with the little dogs; chasing and making them fear for their lives. They happened upon Scully after she was done with her sniffing routine. They took one look at her and went after her. She of course took off, fearing for her life. Even though she's little, they couldn't keep up with her. But she felt them on her tail so she was crying as loud as she could while she ran. It was actually funny. They weren't anywhere near her and yet she cried. And me, being the bad mother, just laughed and let her run herself out. I knew she could out-run them.

Some dogs are just so happy to be there. They don't have any aggression towards any dog or person. They are just around for a good time. Today a funny looking dog named Oliver was having a good time with a female dog. I don't know her name because someone left her there. She didn't have any tags or even a collar. She was so sweet and loving to everyone in the park, but she didn't have an owner. So the stories starting to fly.

"I saw someone let her in then they drove off." "I think someone called animal control but they aren't here yet." "She's probably starving." "Looks like she just had a puppies." "Oliver, get off her!"

I started thinking other things: "Maybe the owners are out shopping for the puppies and thought she needed a break from them," or "Her owners are probably just walking around the park," or "She looks happy to be rid of them." You can't always go off of what you see. I'm sure there was a reason for her being left there. But here are the facts:

1)When I got there, eyewitnesses said she had been there since they got there; over an hour.
2)She did look like she just had puppies.
3)She didn't have any form of identification.
4)And for being a pit bull mix, she was extremely friendly and very playful towards everyone.

So my conclusion: She had the puppies, they got rid of her and sold the puppies for Christmas money. I don't approve of this at all. I don't like to voice my opinion on my blog about anything that can cause a fire, but this is one I can't stand to be quiet on. There is a huge problem with people, not dogs.

It is not the dogs fault that it got pregnant, it is yours for not being responsible. It is not the dogs fault for having accidents in your house, it is yours for not being responsible. It is not the dogs fault for chewing up your shoes or other belongings, it is yours for not being responsible. It is your responsibility for training the dog to be what you expect of it. Trust me, I've had many, many problems with Scully. But now that she's trained and knows what's expected of her in our house, she's the best dog and I would never dump her at the dog park.

I suggest (even if you don't have a dog) you read this article. It will give you insight on how we've been wrong about their behavior. They aren't humans but they should get the respect and treatment they deserve.

I know she will end up in a better home than what she was in previously. And hopefully she'll be just as spoiled as Scully. So please be responsible when thinking of bringing home a puppy for your kids this Christmas. Scully will chase you down at the dog park if she has too.

Let the Madness Begin!

I got up early to go shopping. I also got Justin up to go with me. And for a second there, I thought about just going back to bed. Our niece's and nephew's don't care if we got their gifts on sale at 6 am. They only care if the present they open from us are cool. We want to be the cool Aunt and Uncle. But I want to get things on sale. I want to say, "Look at all the money I saved, let's get a latte." So that's what we did.

For those of you who are amazed that Justin did this with me don't worry, I didn't make him. On Thanksgiving day, after we ate our celebrated turkey and ham we were going to watch a movie. However he spent the next 4 or so hours on the phone chatting with his dad, leaving me to well, sleep off the turkey effect. But I was lonely and felt abandoned. But I was not as helpless as his dad. Justin sent him his wireless setup and he was helping him install it over the phone. Sounds ok until the computer didn't like something. Stupid computers! It's Thanksgiving and it was throwing a fit! So the next 3 hours was spent troubleshooting it. So it really wasn't anyone's fault, but I was still alone.

So he wanted to go shopping with me. We had fun picking up movies and CD's and clothes and kids toys. And since we went early enough to Target, we only had to maneuver around a few extra people in the store and we didn't even have to wait in line to check out. It was a festavis miracle!

But we did hear about horrors over at the Wal-Mart while waiting for a latte and an eggnog latte. You people shouldn't be allowed to shop on Black Friday. And just for that reason, I only go to every other store besides Wal-Mart.

So give me about a week and I'll be done shopping and I'll get to skip the next madness--the day before Christmas. I'll be at home sipping a latte watching a movie while my husband talks his dad through changing his log-in name and password. Hopefully this time the computer will have the holiday spirit.

It's Been Awhile....

No not the song, however every time I say that line I end up singing it in my head. Call me crazy (nevermind) but I do sing it. It's been awhile since I've posted and I've been really trying to come up with something interesting to share with my three readers (thanks Justin, mom and Heather).

You would think that being home all day and experiencing many different things other than work would allow me to spin it into a blog-tale. Not so when Tuesday's feel like Monday's and Friday's feel like Sunday's. Basically I thought today, our nation's celebration of turkey, was Saturday. But it's not and I don't have to get up early tomorrow to do my last training run (THANK HEAVEN!) Btw, my marathon is next Sunday. But to me it could be a Wednesday. Until I have some sort of structure with my days, blogs might be a little thin.

However, I am trying. I try to be up between 6am and 10am. I think that's a pretty good time to get up, somewhere in the middle. Check the "E" and look for jobs. After that, get a latte (I have to make them at home cause you suckers don't click on my links. Get clicking, my lattes suck!) and try to take a shower by noon. This seems like a decent and obtainable schedule, but I end up watching tv in bed (damn digital cable in my bedroom) and before I know it, it's noon! My whole schedule is outta whack. So then I have to play catch-up.

So you see it's not easy being home all day and knowing you have things to do. But I'll try harder. So get clicking and posting comments and I know my creative juices will flow. Today, it's turkey juice's. Yummy! Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Don't forget to watch the dog show. Make it part of your families tradition. Or just watch Best In Show, it's funnier.

I Am a Boggle Champion

Every year or so it seems Webster's Dictionary is adding new words. Holy cow, new words! It's almost amazing that it happens, but then I think to myself, "Hey I make up new words all the time!" I think being a creative mind that I am (of course this is my opinion), it is necessary to come up with my own words for things and situations.

When I was younger I got the game Boggle. Maybe my mom was telling me something; either my spelling stunk or I was the best speller in the world. Ok, my spelling stunk and it still does so Boggle didn't help much. But making my own words to win against my sister helped shape who I am. Well, a person who makes up words. But most of the time she'd say (and she's smarter than me) "That's not a word!" I'd argue for a bit then give in. Damn, I lost again! "Berkent, it sounds like a word."

Recently Justin made fun of me. This was nothing new because I'm funny to him. But he was making fun of the words that I use. "Where did you get 'doe head'?" I thought about it for a while and really couldn't come up with a good answer. I use 'doe head' more than some curse words. Basically I use it in a loving way instead of calling you an a**hole. See 'doe head' is much nicer.

He was also making fun of some words that I use incorrectly. Automotive is an adjective, but I use it like a verb. When he comes in from working on his car, he smells. "Man you smell like automotive." He just laughs at me then asks, "What does 'automotive' smell like?" "you," I reply. Duh! He also smells like boy sometimes. I can't explain that one either, sorry.

I've got a nickname for basically everything too. Like Scully, I was calling her 'sister' ever since I got her. And now Justin does. Justin calls everything a "johnny." "Where's that johnny?" It could mean anything. I've given Justin a nickname too. My sister and her husband know what it is. They laughed and made fun, so I can't tell any of you now. Everyone say "Thanks" to Heather and Joe (she's my smart sister, well my only sister).

And until I was all hip with the computer (thanks Justin!) I called mp3's, mp's. I left the three off. I can't remember why but it stuck. And now he calls them that. So imagine, I have the same power that Webster's Dictionary has. I've created my own words and now my husband uses them too. And I'm pretty sure that 'berkent' is a German or a Canadian word. Now where's that Boggle game?

My First Review--Of Avenue Q

Living in Las Vegas has some advantages. Gambling is at every corner store and grocery store, there are great restaurants here like my man Roberto's, and lots of great entertainment. And if you have to come to Vegas on a budget (because put everything you have on black) there is a lot to do here for next to nothing. I only say this because as a local I got free tickets to a Broadway show. Yes that Broadway. Us lucky locals get a lot of free stuff and specials to take advantage of and we do take advantage. So I'm here to tell you how my free and very first Broadway show was.

My first Broadway show was excellent! It was "Avenue Q" and actually won a Tony. Go look it up if you don't believe me. It's about a puppet who moves to New York and can only afford to live on Avenue Q. He has many new friends. Some puppets and some humans. He ends up unemployed but with the love of his new friends and the love of one puppet, Kate Monster, he realizes that it sucks to be....Gary Coleman (yes the Gary Coleman).

The songs are really true to standard Broadway. They tell a story without being cheesy in the process. With lyrics like "the internet is for...Porn," "It sucks to be me," and "Everyone's a little bit racist." intriguing huh?

Aside from the lyrics, you'd think "Hey it's puppets it can't be too bad." It is. It is definitely not intended for anyone under the age of um, 18. The lyrics are very adult oriented, some of the subject matter is too and, well there is a sex scene.... with the puppets. It's hilarious.

The sex sold it huh? You wanna see it right? Well come on out to Las Vegas, order some tickets from the Wynn and have a great time. Don't worry, the puppets aren't scary.

I Love The 80's

Actually this post is called "Why 80's Music Rocks" taken after my friend, Writinggal. She likes to pick a group and explain why they rock. I thought I'd do a whole era. That way I don't leave anyone out.

The 80's rock mostly because I have satellite radio. Actually everything on satellite radio rocks, but we are discussing the 80's, channel 8 on Sirius. Everyone knows the popular stuff from the 80's. Tears for Fears, George Michael (whom my mother would never buy for me), Madonna and many others. Then you have the one hit wonders. They don't happen as much anymore. A-ha, Murray Head and Bow Wow Wow (if you didn't know that last one, they sing "I want candy"). I think the one hit wonders are being weeded out by things like contracts, good song writers and more political issues than in the 80's. Ok political issues is just my opinion. I was probably too young to understand. "Der Kommissar", was that political? Who knows, but it rocked.

I think what also made 80's music rock was they seemed to be geared toward television with MTV. Songs now had to look awesome. They might have sounded stupid, like "Whip It" but looked great on MTV. Peter Gabriel's "Sledgehammer" was pretty cool looking but I never understood why he wanted to be my sledgehammer.

Movies made 80's music very popular. In the 60's and 70's, music was composed, so they were all original pieces. Boring! In the 80's you had your favorite movie and it had all your favorite songs. There are too many to list, but if you want the basic idea of the 80's and all the awesome music, watch "The Wedding Singer." It's cheating but they did a great job recreating the 80's from clothing, cars, culture and of course music. By the way, Adam Sandler's mullet rocked in that movie.

For those of you who don't have satellite radio, I'm sorry, but you should get it. I rock out to the 80's all the time. But I don't sport a mullet to rock.

Dear Extreme Home Make-Over

I just love to watch your show. I have to ghettivo it because I don't watch tv on Sunday's, hang-over day. But I love it! I really appreciate how you have such a diverse group of people doing such a great job to someone's ugly home. That gay guy makes me laugh. And the girl, the pink lover, she's great with the power tools. Oh and that guy that cries a lot. Just seeing him cry makes me cry! What powerful imagery.

Anyhoo, I was hoping to be picked for a home make-over. I know you choose families who really need a good fixing up. I feel that my home needs it bad. We just moved into it about a month ago and it already needs some work. It was built in September of 2005. That was one of the hottest summers here in Vegas!

We were doing great. We moved in, bought lots of stuff for it and we actually painted some of the rooms. But we don't have what you call the painting skills so the trim could use some help. Also, we need help putting up a garage door opener. Well, really we need a garage door opener. We haven't bought one yet because, well, this is embarrassing. I got laid off from my job of 1.5 years.

The lay-off has been devastating to me, my husband and my dog, Scully. She feels it the most. I'm home all day yelling at her to clean her crate, stop barking or whatever else she's doing to stress me out. But that's not the point.

We need help with things like hanging curtains or installing the garage door opener. We were also hoping for a projector and electronic roll-down screen for the living room. We just love watching movies and a projector would be awesome don't you think? Also, I was hoping that Tim the host could hook me up with a killer job. You know how he's always doing crazy stuff like that. Oh that Tim!

And our backyard could use some work. See here in Vegas, they don't put grass in anymore. We have rocks. Scully's feet hurt from having to walk on them to tinkle. It's really sad. I wonder if we could maybe find her some doggie band-aids. Yeah, those would probably help some.

I do what I can with my Husbands income and the income I get from a place called Unemployment. They are so generous. But Scully was really hoping for a doggie higher education. I'm afraid it might not happen now. I guess she's just going to have to be somewhat obedient and not super obedient. But we will love her any way she is.

So EHM-O, I think we are worthy of your help. Don't you? And if you can squeeze it in your busy week at my house, we'd really like a ceiling fan in the master bedroom.

Thanks Tim, Gay Guy, Pink Power Tool Girl and Cry Baby!

Football Queens

The Minnesota Vikings; they aren't very good this year. And for those of you who keep up with it better than I do, you know more than I do. So don't scold me for what I'm about to say (ahem, MEG). I call them the ViQueens because they play like the two years I played High School Powder Puff Football, girl style (Junior and Senior girls).

It's sad really. This is a professional team, getting millions of dollars, to spend on boat trips with hookas, and I did it for free, twice, no hookers involved. Unless you count the class hookers, we all had one or two. I also lost both years but I played for the game! I was outside line-backer both years. I couldn't run fast (that's why I got pulled out a lot) and I was scared of first, the Seniors, second the Juniors. These girls were tough! How did that happen? Somehow my class got passed over for toughness. Sad I know.

I had a lot of friends on the Senior team my Junior year but some of them were big girls. Not fat, just butch. It shouldn't have been scary because it was flag/touch football but it was. What gave me the idea to do it the next year?

So the Seniors won and we got shaving cream all over us. Not only was the score something pathetic, they had to embarrass us again with shaving cream in front of all the teachers, fellow students and parents. Somehow this was allowed at my school. Seems wrong when you think back. Bitches.

And by the next year I think my class made history by being the only Senior class to lose to the Juniors. Bitches. Now that was a shame. But the ViQueens know about shame. With the loss of Randy Moss, they thought the shame he brought would be gone. But somehow they managed to come up with their own problems, without Randy. On the field shame with Dante (my man!) with like a million turn-overs every game. Sadly he's out now, what a shame. And then the latest shame of a 'boat party.' Of course I don't know all the details and I don't know if I ever will. I'm sure MEG could chime in with that.

But Queens, don't fret. I once sucked too at football. The season isn't over and you beat Green Bay recently. So take that victory and stop playing like girls or I'll have to get the shaving cream out.

Rex-ing

He's like 2.5 feet from the ground! This almost equals him with lipstick on. Oh for sure!

Instant Replay

With pictures, we can recall what happened on a night that was a possible blur. After a few shots of some yummy tequila, Justin turns it up a notch. So without pictures, he might not have remembered what he did. So I like to chronicle it to show him the next day.

At the beginning of the night and no alcohol in his system he's pretty happy.
See:


As the night progresses and more frosty beverages are consumed, Justin becomes happier:

The cove is named after him because of his "naked happiness" last year. So in honor of that, they named it "Justin's Cove" and covered the entire hot tub.

And the night usually ends in two ways:
1) He can barely walk but can talk your ear off.
2) He winds up with make-up on his face.



Make-up or not, shots of tequila or bite-sized Snickers, we want to wish you a Happy Halloween.



Only 54 days til Christmas!

A Call To All Target Lovers

I love Target. I always have and always will. And what makes it even better, I've married into Target! Justin loves it just as much as I do, if not more. His whole family is a Target family. How could I have married into Target you ask? Well, Justin's dad works for Target Corporation. We like to tell people he has a cool job like stock boy or electronic center guy. But he's just an architect for Target. Boring! He doesn't know when things go on sale or if they are going to get that new handheld instant chat thing that Justin is always looking for.

Ok I take all that back. Justin's pop does have a pretty cool job and a sweet discount. We like to take advantage of it when we are visiting or he's visiting us. We tend to go to Target at least 3 times in a 3 day visit. That's average. It might seem a little excessive to some, but not to us.

A few years ago while living in Utah, Target came out with SuperTarget. Oh my garage! This was the best of both worlds. I could mill around the regular Target side while I thought about what was for dinner. Then move over to the Super side and grab some food. Justin's dad told me that no matter what time of day you go to the SuperTarget for some produce, you will always get the best of the best. And it's true. No crappy banana's, no limp looking asparagus and no bruised apples. So I could go in there with a blind fold on and just reach and it would be the best. I loved it!

But then I moved. So recently I e-mailed Target to find out when they are going to build a SuperTarget by me (and only me, forget all you up in North Las Vegas!). And their prompt reply just shows you their dedication to all SuperTarget fans:

Dear J. *****,

We're glad to hear you want a SuperTarget store in Las Vegas area.
Interest from SuperTarget fans like you is a major factor we consider when
we decide to build a new store.

As you might imagine, a lot of work goes into determining where and
when to build a Target store. A lot of people in the private and
government areas get involved and it may take months or even years to build a
store. Right now we're evaluating other areas in the continental United
States, but don't worry - I'll be happy to pass along your suggestion to
our Real Estate team for review.

Have questions about Target stores, products or service? You can give
us a call at (800) 440-0680, or visit us on Target.com. Either way,
we're happy to help.

Thanks for your interest in shopping with us. I hope we'll see you soon
at a Target near you.

Sincerely,

Benny
Target Guest Relations
www.target.com
[THREAD ID:1-143065]


I don't think that Benny understands how much I want a SuperTarget here. First off, there are very few in the Western United States and there is plenty of land out here to build a few of them. Has he seen Nevada? Come on! And I'm sure his real estate team isn't even going to see this e-mail. He's trashing it as we speak!

Since Benny was no help at all, I ask all of my friends, readers, co-workers and whoever else to go to Target.com and send them an e-mail asking them when we are going to get a SuperTarget out here.

Now I have to go and make some banana bread because my banana's are bruised. :(

20th Century vs. 21st Century

I bet you can guess what this is about. We (and I mean Justin and I) are in the midst of a hilarious argument right now (not as I'm typing, but in general). He wants to make our brand-new home a 'smart-home.' I say cool as long and I know how to work everything--without having to take a course. But so far that has not been the case.

Upstairs is what I like to call 'the 20th century.' A place where I know everything works. I don't care if I have a remote for my DVD player, my t.v., my cable, and *gasp* my VCR. I know how to use it all and it has never failed me. Unless you count the time the old VCR kept eating my Star Wars tape. It chewed it up so bad that the tape broke and I had to hack the case to fix it--3 times! So I threw that VCR out and got another one. I know, I know VCR's are so old and dated, but I don't care, I've got some great movies on tape and I don't want to have to buy a DVD. I don't care about quality, I care that it works! So don't try to convince me otherwise. You can't tape a dvd when it breaks.

The 20th Century works, but downstairs is a different story. That's the 21st Century and it doesn't work as well. It's not 'Jessi friendly.' First off, there is no VCR. How the heck am I supposed to watch Home Alone or Fargo or Strange Brew ? Yes, again I understand that I can now get these movies on DVD, but again, I don't care. So that's problem #1-no VCR. Problem #2 is bigger than number 1, but VCR is pretty big. #2 is you have to use a keyboard to change the channel! Ya, I'm totally not kidding! Basically you have to be a computer programmer to watch t.v. in the 21st century.

I spent all day upstairs today working on the computer. But when Justin got home I wanted to watch a little Seinfeld while cooking dinner. Um, impossible when the keyboard is upstairs being used. And even if I did have a keyboard, I still had no clue how to change the channel! It's very sad.

20th Century Good (everything works):



21st Century Bad (notice the keyboard and all the programmer jargon on the screen, that's where I'm supposed to watch t.v.):


We both agreed that this was called 'Get-Tivo.' I think the Dell box posing as a t.v. stand gives it away.

I'm sure one day I will come to love it as much as my VCR. I know it won't eat the tapes, but just like any other computer, it can crash. So nothing is safe. I will admit that when Justin gets a remote, makes the font bigger, and programs it to act just like cable then I'll probably think it's pretty cool. The computer is a Tivo so I can record all my favorite shows if I had any. And if I missed something, I can rewind. So I guess it won't be too bad.

But until then Justin, I'll stick with the 20th century. Hey I think Home Alone is on cable, can we 'get-tivo' it?

Martha--It's Not A Good Thing

I know this may come as a shock to some of you, but I'm a pretty good cook. Cooking, baking, cassaroling, I can do it all. I take pride in my yummy cinnabon cinnamon rolls. Just ask Justin. Every time I make them he mumbles, "These are the best yet!" And then he scarfs down 4 of them. That recipe isn't for the weak. It takes prep time. So if you've got 2-3 hours on a weekend morning, just ask and I'll give it to you for a small charge.

However, there is a difference between cooking and baking. The microwave cooks it doesn't bake. Jessi cooks and bakes but that isn't the difference. You bake things like cakes, rolls or cinnamon rolls. You cook things like steaks, beef stew and noodles. I've associated it with baking yummy sweet things and cooking hearty dinner type foods. I've never messed up cooking. But I have had 2 incidents while baking. My self-esteem was shot there for a while after those incidents, but I got the nerve to bake again--with counseling. As part of my therapy I will tell you what they were and how they affected me.

1) I wanted a bagel. I didn't have a job but I had a cookbook. Betty Crocker made it look so easy as she does with everything. So with plenty of time on my hands I decided to make some bagels. In hindsight, I should have just scrounged up the 95 cents and just bought one, but I was a doe head and confident enough to think I could do it. I made the dough and everything was working great. The excitement was growing. Until the instructions said broil for 2-5 minutes. Um, I'd never broiled before and I didn't even know what it was. I assumed it was some baking term for 'bake really close to the oven unit.' So that's what I did. Almost choking to death with blackened bagel smoke, I scrapped bagel making forever. Boy does Einstein and his brother have a tough job.

2) I wanted to be Martha Stewart one Halloween. No not be her, but I wanted to be crafty and creative like her. I found a recipe on her website for a pumpkin shaped cake. Oh it looked so good and I thought to myself 'everyone at work will just love me if I waltz in with this.' "Yes, yes I made it. Oh it was very simple!"

But it wasn't and I should have written to her and complained that her recipes aren't up to the standard of me, putting all the blame on her where it belonged. I also should have known that her recipes are for women who don't work and have a kitchen the size of Wyoming. I had to buy all the ingredients because I didn't own any of them. This wasn't the standard chocolate chip cookies, this monster pumpkin was bigger than any chocolate chip cookie.

I started off great, following the directions. But I had two different pans so my final product didn't line up. And the amount of chocolate that was supposed to be between the layers was well, too much. What a waste. And I should have just bought frosting, that's a whole other disappointment. Basically the cake looked horrendous. But if you just cut it into slices, it tasted surprisingly good. Ok Martha, I give you that and that's it!

So the second failure had a better ending, I could still eat it. And thinking back I remember Justin mumbling, "Hey, it still tastes great." With his loving comments, food in his mouth or not, I have been able to get past my 2 failures with baking. Maybe I should give my cinnabon cinnamon roll recipe to Martha for payback for the cake fiasco. "Try to make those Missy!" Then we are even.

Justin's Favorite Thai Iced Coffee

Justin has never been a real coffee drinker. Whenever I make a latte at home, he might have one but with lots of splenda in it. He's more of a hot chocolate drinker. Thats me on a cold, rainy day.

But we recently went to Minnesota and we hung out with some good friends. Jason is an old college friend who never really sleeps. And to keep his computer hacking skills at their finest even when he's living on 2 hours of sleep, he drinks really strong coffee. One day we were visiting and he was drinking a Thai coffee drink. Justin thought it looked good so he tried it. Now he's hooked. So to thank Jason, Justin blogged his mad Thai coffee making skills and I bring it to you with limited commercial interuptions.

Recipe: Thai Iced Coffee (Vietnamese preparation as well)


subtitle: Starbucks, drink your heart out!

So here it is, Jason's famous iced coffee recipe -- ripped off by myself (which has also been ripped off of every Thai restaurant in the world).

Here's what you need:
-Ice
-Coffee (double shot/two parts)
-2 Tbsp. (one serving/one part) Sweetened Condensed Milk (full-fat, low-fat, fat- free, etc.)

Optional: Hammer & sandwich bag (for crushing ice if you like it that way and don't have a crushed ice ice-maker)

Steps:

1. If you want crushed ice and don't have a crusher built into your refridgerator, you can simply load a baggie with some ice and smash it with a hammer. If your hammer is nasty you may find it best to double bag. I've found that a full tray of ice, crushed, will get me 2-3 servings, depending on how big of a glass I use.


2. Fill your glass 2/3 with ice.











3. Prepare your coffee maker however you like with whatever coffee you like. I have an espresso/cappuccino maker, so I like to do a double shot. Whatever you do, it's better STRONG.












4. Add the coffee to the glass or espresso shot. You don't need to use a lot of coffee because the ice will melt when you add it.











5. Add one serving of sweetened condensed milk.












6. Stir


See now you can become a mad Iced Coffee maker, Thai or not.

Tysdal and the Triscuit Factory

Once upon a time there was a young boy named Tysdal. Tysdal was very popular while he marched in Phantom Regiment for 5 years. He was talented, funny, from South Dakota and had a problem with certain words. Not problems such as you and I have. You know, remembering certain ones, how to spell them, and using words that would kill your mom if she heard them. We all need to work on that.

No, Tysdal's problem was that he kinda slurred some words. Not really a lisp but more of a slur. It wasn't a Texas drawl either. Remember Tysdal was from N.D., far from Texas, however weird they both may be.

Tysdal's friends were really good friends especially his Drum Corps friends. He always had someone to sit with at meal times. He was never laughed at when he played the wrong notes. No, his friends were true friends. And what made them even more special to him was they never made fun of his slurred problem. They spoke to him like there was nothing wrong, until one late night on the bus.

It was dark and his friends were sleeping. Everyone worked so hard that day so they deserved the rest. Tysdal was hungry and decided to have a snack. Being a good friend he thought he'd offer it to all of his friends. "Hey, does anyone want a trishkit? A trishkit, does anyone want one?" But to his surprise no one responded and so he asked his sleeping friends again a little louder this time, "Does anyone want a trishkit?" "SHUT THE F*** UP! NO ONE WANTS A F****** TRISCUIT," a sleeping friend yelled. Tysdal was a little shocked by this comment. Here he was being generous and giving and no one appreciated it.

But it did not get Tysdal down. He stuck with his friends and his friends stuck with him. However, things changed a little bit. They started to make fun of his slurred handicap, but they were still good friends. And he knew that friendship was more important than a trishkit.

Just Humming Along

In Texas, everything is bigger. In Las Vegas, everything is bigger but with chrome. We have a lot of high rollers here. Some are real and some are pretending. If they are good at pretending, then you'd never know they were faking. Unless the car gives it away. One very common car that gives it away the Taurus. This would be a normal, family sedan but somehow it has become a pimped out vehicle. Dark tint, lots of chrome and many dents. That is the common pretend 'high roller' car here in Vegas.

But remember those high rollers I told you about--the real ones. They drive things like Mercedes, Lotus' and Hummers. A Mercedes, fine, it's a nice brand of vehicle if you take care of them. Keep them clean and looking as expensive as possible. The Lotus, I only brought that up because my friend Aaron has one. You'd think it's a clown car by looking at it. It's very small--it's a wee one. You'd think for so much money you'd get something bigger, but in this case no, wee.

On the other hand, the Hummer started off big and 3 models later, they are still big. I guess the H3 is a little smaller than my house, but they are selling it as "baby bears" size from the Goldie Locks story. Oh, cute it was just right.

I recently witnessed the Hummer (original) try to act like it's little sister, the H3. I pulled into the drive-thru at the local coffee shop and she pulled in behind me. Not a big deal except she blocked the whole driveway for the other parked people to get out. Number 1. Number 2, I don't think she could see me in my little WRX because she kept creaping when I wasn't even moving. Number 3, when the drive-thru line turned to head to the window, she couldn't make the turn AT ALL. She curbed it.

Now I've owned a jeep before and I would purposely curb it, but my turning radius was much better than any Geo or Kia ever made. So it was more fun for me. But this woman had to do it. I almost wished that she just scraped the side of her Hummer because she was on the phone too. If she can afford to talk on the phone and drive such a beast in a drive-thru made for cars like mine and order starbucks with 3 splenda's, then she can afford a few scratches.

So all you high rollers, fake or not, clown cars or monster beasts, please watch out for us non-high rollers. We don't want to have to sue you.

Barenaked Ladies--Men

Don't get the wrong idea here. This isn't a post on naked ladies. Sorry my male readers, maybe one day. I'd like to introduce you to my friends, The Barenaked Ladies (again, myspace helped our friendship grow). They aren't new and I'm sure most of you have heard atleast one of their songs. One Week, Another Postcard and It's All Been Done (a-woo-hoo-hoo). But they have some other songs that the radio doesn't even consider. Maybe it's because they are Canadian. Well that can't be right because Bryan Adams is on the radio (except he sucks).

It's too bad that BNL's song don't do well in mainstream. It seems that they get one, maybe two songs off of a new album played and then that's the end of it. But let me assure you, that's not the end of their great music.

Let me start with the first album I got, Stunt. The year was 1998 and I had just got back from Drum Corps. One Week just came out and everyone was talking about the crazy "chicky-china" lyrics. So I had to buy the album to find out what that was all about. I was very happy with my purchase because the rest of the album was just as original as "chicky-china" lyrics. With songs like Alcohol, In the Car and Who Needs Sleep,I'd never heard lyrics and stories like this in a musical format. I Loved it!

"Alcohol, my permanent accessory
Alcohol, a party time necessity
Alcohol, alternative to feeling like yourself
O Alcohol, I still drink to your health."


The second album was of course the next one in line, Maroon. Not to be confused with Maroon 5. Those Canadian's can sure sings some crazy songs. I loved the Conventioneers. It's a typical love story, boy meets girl (at work), they play scrabble, they do it, now work is akward. Oh so tender!

Since they had been around for a while and had many songs, they decided to do a greatest hits. It was a new cd for me. I only owned 2 of their albums and they had 3 prior to that. So it made sense for me to get the greatest hits. And now I love those songs too. So having an account on Amazon.com will help when I finally pick up those 3 cd's.

Next it was a few years before Everything to Everyone came out. I had basically scratched my two cd's from playing them so much. I had to replace them! But this album made the wait worth it. You've got to give a band credit when they can sing a song about shopping. SHOPPING!

"Well you know that it's going to be alright
I think it's gonna be alright
Everything will always be alright
When we go shopping."

See they do understand the importance of shopping. Everything will be alright.

"So shutup
And never stop
Let's shop
Until we drop"

Now you want to listen to it huh? It's a good album, trust me.

And if you aren't into some of these songs that I mentioned, don't worry they tackle the important stuff like falling asleep at the wheel, one million dollars (if I had a million dollars....I'd stop working) and the war on drugs.

So you get it all with the Barenaked Ladies. Oh and the song Alcohol is fun to sing it drunk at a karaoke bar.

Business Cards Beware

You know you've done it. At your favorite Mexican restaurant, sandwich shop, even at the movie theater. You drop your business card into the fish bowl hoping to win that free beaner, turkey sandwich or that matinee. But months go by with no word. You can't understand why, they have your phone number even your e-mail address. But you just have to keep paying for that beaner.

Then one day, you get a call. You're a little thrown off by it. "How did you get my name and number?" Then it hits you. You'll never win that turkey sandwich but you just won yourself a recruiter call! Who's the big winner here? You are with a potentially great job from Citigroup! Oh thank heaven they called me at work asking me if I was looking for something in the management field at one of their many new locations. Because you know, I'm a video designer (it says so on my business card) and sales is pretty close to what I'm doing now. I'm not entirely sure if Adan Saldana, 672-0645, knew what a video designer was, but I'm sure it meant that I was management material.

Yes, I'm bossy and I enjoy being in control of directionless people, but not at this stage in my career. Give me another year. He told me that his associate, Leo Gilaine, gave him my card. Leo knows a lot of people. I don't know Leo and it's not possible that I would know Leo. I only give my business cards out to some friends and family. I have a box of 500 cards. What else is a video designer supposed to do with them? "Here's my business card Grandma, if you ever need help with something." Um, my grandma doesn't even know how to turn on the computer. So helping her 'video design' isn't going to happen.

But Leo knew that I was smart and bright. Of course I am! He wrote that on the back of my business card, according to Adan. Flattered, I took his name and number and told him that "I'm confused" and offered to call him back later. I think I'll call him back demanding my free beaner. Actually, it was a sub.

Sidenote: This call did happen at work. Adan made sure he said my name numerous times, like a good sales person does (except it's not Fo-eell, Adan). And it took some freaking out time after the call to realize that Jimmy John's Sandwich Shop was the culprit. The one and only time I dropped my card in for a free yummy club lulu, I got this call. So please, keep those cards to yourself. Or at least your friends and family.

Marathon oh Marathon

Why are you hard? The training that is. Why is it so hard? I guess if it was easy, then everyone would do it and if that was true, then what would make me special and different?

It's been many months since I started this crazed asphalt adventure. It's not like going on vacation and seeing cool things. It's more of a physical adventure. I was in something just as crazy as this (drum corps) but I did get to see cool places like Sandusky, Ohio and Winston-Salem, North Carolina. Now there's a place to vacation at if you like bugs and humidity!

But with marathon training, I see roads with lots of cars honking at me to either get off the road or to encourage me. I like to think that they are encouraging me with their horn, it's so friendly and non-aggressive. If they knew the difference between pavement and asphalt for runners, then maybe they could share the road a little bit more. They don't care about my shin-splints. Bad non-runners!

I've had a problems with my long runs. I won't go into details. I'm sure you don't want to know about gastrointestinal issues or my big toe just covered in popped blisters or so much sweat on my face that it looks like powered sugar. Scully likes to lick it off so that problem is taken care of. But as the long runs get longer, I find ways around these little problems. Thanks again Scully.

And as the time winds down, about 8 weeks until the big race, I find myself saying "15 miles... no problem." (insert your 'crazies'here) I'm finding that a full 26.2 miles is a little obsessive. But we will see how I do at the finish line. I might need a wheel chair and a ride home (oh and a gatorade).

So for those of you coming out and supporting me by giving me water/gatorade at mile marker 18-26, I thank you. And for those of you driving, just let me run and keep your horn comments to yourself.

Come out and volunteer. You can sign up at the Las Vegas Marathon
I'll be looking for you at miles 18-26 with my gatorade.

Get in the Zone

AutoZone that is. I recently found out the discrimination that men feel at Victoria's Secret while at AutoZone.

Hold on here, men aren't discriminated at VS, they are eagerly helped by associates wearing all black with a tape measure around their necks (ya, I think of all black when I walk into VS, why aren't they wearing pink?). All they have to do is walk around touching every bra in sight with a expression that resembles me looking at oil filters. I don't know the difference between oil filter sizes. Just like men don't know the difference in cup sizes. But the lovely ladies of VS love men that come in and need their help. They understand the importance of men buying the 'demi bra' and 'seamless panties' for their lady at home. Not so over at the Zone. Well the bra and panties part. Oil filters and bug wash.

One of the last things that left our apartment in our move was a very full oil pan. The option was to either take that to AutoZone to drain, or take our used goods to the Deseret Industries (the Mormon version of The Salvation Army). I chose AutoZone because someone could come out and drain it for me. It's oil! I don't want to spill that all over me. It could happen especially since I was wearing a cream colored top. I wasn't going to risk it.

I walked in and saw a man helping someone. So I waited. AutoZone has a weird set-up. They have the actual counter that takes your money for oil filters in the front of the store. I had nothing to buy so that wasn't the line I was heading for. I went for the counter that the men just chit chat at. But there was only one guy there and he was busy. I was the only girl in the whole store and yet, workers walked right by and ignored me. I was looking at them as they passed me. I made it very obvious.

They wear black too, what a coincidence.

The guy that was busy was now busy over at the check-out counter so I stood in line, waiting for him. If he was my only option, I'll take it. I still looked around and finally made eye contact with a new guy behind the 'chit chat' counter. He asked if I needed help. Duh, I had nothing in my hands and a blank, frustrated stare on my face, of course I needed help!

So he helped me. I got my oil pan drained (gross) and I left feeling that using my cuteness and charm got me now where at the Zone. Sorry ladies if I just ruined it for those of you who walk in with your own oil pans and drain it yourself. I just couldn't. My cream colored top wouldn't allow it.

Next time Justin can go to the Zone and head to VS for a nice new 'demi bra' for me. He'll be well taken care of at both places. Hope he remembers what cup size I am.

The Hazzards

I'm not the first to talk about this group, but I feel if you haven't heard of them, I should tell you. The Hazzards are a 2 girl ukulele group that have such great songs like Gay Boyfriend and Just a Temp. "Keep your business in your slacks, I am just a temp." With their cuteness and clever lyrics, this group is just fun to listen to while your painting your new bedroom. "What are you singing?" "The Hazzards' Shut Up and Make Out!"

Well I have to say that I have a personal relationship with The Hazzards. You could say I'm their friend--their Myspace friend. When I found them, I had only heard Gay Boyfriend and thought "Who is this group singing about Gay Boyfriends? Who has a boyfriend that is gay?" Maybe I shouldn't be asking that question. Anyway, I got a friend request from them and I was so excited. They wanted to be my friend. I thought "Wow, they found me because I'm cool! Way to go!" But then as Myspace does, it messed up all my friend requests and I had to ask them if they still wanted me as their friend. Wow, friendship on Myspace is so hard. The good news is they did, so here I am, telling you about my friends, The Hazzards.

I bought their cd with all 5 of their songs and was so excited to see it in the mail yesterday! Except the case was cracked. (can I get a new one The Hazzards?) But I'm happy listening to Girl Beer, Just a Temp, SexySpirit4U, Shut Up and Make Out, Gay Boyfriend and The Business. Even if the case is cracked.

So if your in the mood for new music that isn't mainstream, check out The Hazzards. "Will you sign my timesheet, I am just a temp."

Gold Pant or No Pants

I get a lot of e-mails at work that are jokes, little movies or photos. Anything that is humorous or meaningful or whatever you're feeling that day.

A while back, a co-worker sent a link for this video called Gem Sweater. This one is probably the best of all 3 of her music videos. Gem Sweater is a song this girl and her friends sing. Her whole theme is gem sweaters. The video is original, has a simple set with simple dance moves. Overall it looks good. You've gotta listen to the lyrics too. She'll make you want more. A side note: I'm not saying she only has 3 videos or even that this is the order of release. I'm just saying what I found first.


The second video I found of her collection was Beat Dazzler. The video is just as homemade as the first, but this one shows it more. If I was on the street and I saw this, I'd probably laugh as hard as I did when I heard the lyrics, not laugh at the video. Yes, the video is funny in parts, but I really like her lyrics. They are original and they crack me up. "Hey hoochie mamma, gold pants forever." See, what a poet.

Her third video Gold Pants, wasn't very good. If the ranking was 1-3, 3 being the lowest, Gold Pants gets a 3. Again, I like the lyrics and love the gold suit. I'd be thanking my mamma for making me gold pants too.

And if you can't get enough of this, she (the lead singer, Leslie) has a website of all her ugliest (well I think they are ugly) Gem Sweaters. Take a look, you might have one in the back of your closet. You can send it to her! Atleast someone will wear it.



This one is one of my favorites. So classic.

Pleased to Meet You Mr. Sedaris

When I like something, I get obsessed over it. For example, when "Fargo" came out, I watched it as many times as possible, I still do. I did research online about the story to see if it was really true. Apparently it wasn't. Those Coen brothers are genius' for telling me it was true, for letting me believe it was, then letting me down years later when it wasn't. Way to be creative.

Movies, television shows, books and people, if you intrigue me, you get my full attention. When the movie "Evita" came out, I had been eagerly awaiting it. I had the Broadway musical album it so of course I knew the entire story. I would read my very outdated Encyclopedia about Eva Perron (this was before the internet and 'google' searches). She had been dead for about 30 years when it was printed, so I figured it was accurate. But I did more and more research when the movie came out. The movie was beautiful but disappointing. Oh well.

Natalie Wood is one of my favorite reads. I was introduced to her in 1993 in theater class. We watched "West Side Story" and it became one of my favorite musicals to this day. So naturally, I went to the library to read everything about Natalie Wood. I saw some more of her movies--some good, some bad. I learned about her water phobia which eventually took her life. How ironic.

When she was young, she was filming a movie and she had to walk across a bridge during a simulated rain storm. The bridge was to fall after she walked across, but some doe-head let it go before she got across it. She fell into the water and damaged her wrist. So from that day, she never went anywhere without a bracelet covering the damage. See, it's not all about drugs and madness!

My favorite author is David Sedaris. One night I was watching Letterman and one of his guests was David. I had never heard of him but he looked funny and read a pretty funny story called "Stadium Pal." He was explaining how lopsided accessories are for women and men. Women have bracelets, necklaces and belts, things like that. Men usually only have a few accessories. So he thought that men should have something to help them out while at a sporting event, watching TV or whatever they could be doing. I won't tell you what it is. Google him and read it for yourself. It's creative and funny.

My obsessive hunt began after his appearance. I only remembered his first name and the name of his book. Justin would recall his last name occasionally. I walked into every bookstore and looked for a comedic writer named David something with a new book called "Naked." That was a hard search. But then one day we were out shopping and we stopped into a bookstore. I was still on the hunt for him and Justin finally remembered his last name "Sedaris." A-ha! It's pretty easy when you have that kind of information. So I bought the book and couldn't put it down!

I was in school still so I didn't have to get up early like my loving husband. So I would read and laugh so hard that he would wake up and say "GO TO BED!" Then I would just have to tell him about David's sister laying in the street trying to get run over by a car so their mom would let them back in the house. But he didn't see how it was funny.

David had more books prior to "Naked's" release. I eventually bought all of those too. Justin even took me to see him in Ogden, Utah. He was reading stories that were going to be in his new book "Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim." We had pretty good seats and I thought it was even funnier when he read them to you. Afterwards, I bought another book and had him sign it. But he really didn't notice me, he's was more interested in my husband. "Have we met before?" he asked my husband. "Umm, not unless you've been in Salt Lake before." So they chatted for a while, well maybe David flirted and Justin chatted. I knew it was flirting, but Justin didn't believe me. I opened my book and it read "Dear Jessi, thanks for making me rich. David Sedaris." So I'm making you rich and you like my husband. I think I should get a chapter in his next book.

So a year later his new book was released. I got it for Christmas. And he came to Las Vegas a few months ago to do some more readings and signing's. If you have a chance, go and hear him tell tales of his North Carolina/New York family. You will think your family is nothing compared to his. I brought along my book for him to sign and again, brought my husband. I reminded him of our first meeting with David and how David really liked Justin, even thought I was the fan. Justin has never even read one of his books!

It was our turn to meet him and get my new book signed. And again, David reached out for Justin's hand and said, "Hey speedracer!" (Justin was wearing a speed racer shirt) "You look familiar." Justin replied,"Ya we met about 2 years ago in Ogden, Utah." David went on to explain to Justin how he tanked at that show. But we both reassured him that we thought he was great. This time he was much more sincere with his message:"Dear Jessi, it was so nice to see you again. David Sedaris"

I could be wrong, but I think he might have been hitting on my husband again. This could be possible since Justin is very handsome and well, hot. I can see how David Sedaris couldn't resist talking to him. As long as he keeps writing, I'll keep bringing my husband along. Hey, if it gets my booked signed, I'm all for it! I hope Justin is too. But I'm still waiting for the chapter.

Maybe this plug will get me a chapter...probably not. But enjoy anyway!

David Sedaris

The Leaky Blog

My friend Tony sent me the link for the new trailor of "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire." I'm excited because I really like the story. I wish I could have gone to a Wizarding school instead of my High School. They didn't offer a potions class, I got chemistry. I went to history class instead of spells and devination. I was in the band but I would have dropped that as soon as I heard there might be a quidditch team or atleast learned how to ride a broom. See, wouldn't High School have been much more fun to go to? No parents, just friends that you roomed with.

So to keep the story fresh, I only read a book right before the movie comes out. I'm in the middle of the 4th one. I know I'll be done with it by November when it comes to the big screen. I don't compare movies to books. That's a waste of time. I just like to see how it comes out in the movie--how things look and feel.

We all know that the 6th book was released a few months ago. Crazed fans were lined up before midnight to get this book. Didn't these kids have school in the morning? Geez, my parents would have never let me do that! So I've tried to stay away from people who have read it. I want to find out myself when the time comes what happened that year at Hogwarts.

Today, I went to visit my friend, John's blog(the geeeek link on the right). The first post talks about the new movie coming out AND some information giving away the 6th book! (don't go to that link if you don't want to know) I don't blame him because it's his blog (I'm not blaming you Hawkins). Actually I'm not blaming anyone. No blame here. I just didn't try hard enough to stay away from 6th book readers. I didn't know he'd read it. If so, I probably wouldn't have gone to his blog for like another 3 years or until the 6th book was made into a movie, which ever came first. But I did read his blog so it's my fault (ok, there's the blame).

I guess it was bound to happen. With so many fans like me, I'm not crazy though, I'm sure there is information all across the internet about it. But I'm not about to give up the internet, that would be going too far! So I'll just take my information and just be prepared when I read it. Now when are they starting on book 5?

Welcome to Las Vegas

I thought today I would write about Las Vegas. I figured since I live here and most of my blog readers don't, I should give you the low-down or the scene or the happenings here in Las Vegas.

Restaurants (some of my personal favorites):
1) The Houfbrau House--If you are scared of Germans and German food, don't go because they have real live Germans there. But give it a chance. The Las Vegas Haufbrau House is the only one in the United States. The other one is, you guessed it, in Germany (which Justin went to, underage). The atmosphere is awesome with the live German band that plays traditional German music. I still don't really know what they are saying, but when your drunk on German Beer, it's all slurred anyway. But the songs are catchy and fun.

Speaking of beer, they import all of their beer and they only have about 4 different kinds (more during Oktoberfest). You can get mixed drinks there too, but then they might make fun of you. The beers only come in 2 sizes; half pint for little girls like me and a full liter for girls like me (I can do both). If your small like me, the liters take 2 hands to pick up, they are huge! For the better price get the liter, more beer for your money.

The main room is loud because of the band, but be prepared for sharing your picnic table. So if your looking for something more intimate, ask to be sat in the Beer Garden. It was designed to look like you are dining outside. It's charming and much quieter but you can still hear the music from the other hall.

The food is wonderful even if you are leary of German food. It is mostly pork, chicken, sausage and beef. The Weinerschnitzle is great (basically a pork chop breaded) but I like to get the Haufbrau Hachen. It's a grilled chicken breast with a creamy mushroom sauce and grilled stringy onions. It's very safe for the picky eaters.

Overall, I love this place. Next time you are in Vegas, check it out. It is located off of Harmon and Paradise, across the street from The Hard Rock Hotel.

2)Margaritaville--I wasn't going to put this one down because it is a National chain, but we really like it. The atmosphere is exciting, relaxed and fun. Located on the strip next to the Flamingo Hotel, Margaritaville is reasonalbly priced, when you limit yourself to one Perfect Margarita. Justin and I tend to go over our limit on those, but trust me, you will want another one. They have a volcano that a girl comes out of, slides down into a glass of water, then dances on a fish hook. Hard to imagine I know, but you just have to see it. Of course, everything is Jimmy Buffett so if you don't like his music, don't worry, it's loud in this 3 story restaurant that you probably won't even hear it. The food is pretty normal. Hamburgers, wraps, salads, dinners and really good frozen drinks. It's a fun place for a group and for locals.

Entertainment:
1)Blue Man Group--I finally went and saw them. They scare me. And after seeing them, they still do, but the music, stage presence and audience participation is really good. I actually saw them twice (I'm still scared) and I think they are worth $80 a ticket.

2)Any Magician Show--No one specific. They all get really great reviews. I saw this one guy named Justin Tranz (a little play on words) he was more of a hypnotist than magician, but I think if you can put anyone under that's magic. Next on my list is Penn & Teller, playing every night at the Rio, they tell you how the tricks are done. I'll pay $80 to find out how David Copperfield made the Statue of Liberty disappear. Next on my list would be Anthony Cools. A friend has seen him and really liked his "adult themed" show. Again, he's more of a hypnotist but still entertaining.

Bars:
Best Margarita's--Margaritaville
Best Happy Hour--Pink Taco at the Hard Rock
Best Irish Bar(with great live music)--Fado's at Green Valley Ranch
Best Hotel Bar--VooDoo Lounge at the Rio
Best Neighborhood Bar--Any PT's
Best Dance Club (with bar)--Rain at the Palms

So there you have it. I hope you like my choices. Now you will be prepared for your next visit to Las Vegas so there won't be any excuses. Unless you gambled all your money away. I hope you saved enough for the ride to the airport, if not, give me a call.

Europe Here I Come--Maybe

I'm scared to fly. There I've said it. Well I'm not really scared as long as we are over land, it's water that freaks me out. Maybe it's really a fear of drowning? Who knows, but I tend to watch those shows that re-create what happened to flight whatever the number was. I watch those and I put myself in the seat of a passenger, then I hyperventilate and freak out, on my couch. I'm just exaggerating, but really I do freak out while flying.

I fly all the time. Not as much as the normal business person, but Justin and I are on a flight atleast 4 times a year. So it's pretty common for us. And you would think that I would have gotten used to it over the years, but I haven't. Every flight is different.

One time, while flying home to Houston, we had a lay over in Dallas. The plane taking us to Houston was a small plane. 1 row of seats on one side and 2 row of seats on the other and only one flight attendant. I said it was a small plane. Well it was bumpy when we got into the air and like any other flight, she got up to start the beverage service. Soon after, she got a call from the captain, I assume, and then she sat back down and strapped in! I was in seat number 2, so I witnessed the whole thing. She was looking out the window, but couldn't see anything because it was night time. Then the turbulence started and it wasn't fun. Good thing we didn't get drinks! We started to turn to the left. And we kept turning and turning and turning to the point where everyone was looking at each other. My ears we going crazy because of the g-force (or that's what I assumed). I was pushed back into my seat. The flight attendant looked out the window again and I looked at her for some reassurance. Finally we stopped turning and the pressure was gone and we landed.

What happened on that flight? We weren't even over water and I was still freaked out. All I know is if the flight attendant is sitting, strapped in and looking out the window with a strange look on her face, then you'd better be scared!

Next year I want to go to Europe for our anniversary. I'm not looking for romance or any of that girly stuff. I want to come back and say that I went to Europe and did touristy things as well as non-touristy things. I want to see all the great things in London, but I also want to visit the BBC and watch British television. Now wouldn't that be cool! I want to head north to the Scandinavia Countries and go to IKEA. I want to go to the Ice Bar that I saw on The Amazing Race. I have big plans for my Europe trip but I have to fly over water.

I guess the only way I'm going to get over this is just to do it. But not without a visit to my Doctor for some sleeping pills, something to completely knock me out. Hey, I only need to remember Europe, not the flight over.

Where Are You Going?

Do you take the bus? Tell me how it is. Do you have odd people riding along side of you? How is the bus stop experience overall? I'm curious because I pass many bus stops on my way to and from work. I notice them more on my way to work because of the various people waiting. Where are they going? To work? To the doctor's? Gamble their paycheck away? Tell me!

This one stop I pass I just love because of the different people waiting. Oh, it could be the flute player serenading the other passengers waiting for the bus. He's really into it but the other people didn't seem to notice him or hear him-- which I find difficult to believe! He's was probably playing his latest version of Play That Funky Music because he was getting down. I bet he was hoping some people would join in and start dancing. I wonder, did he play on the bus too? Did he take requests? I'd ask for some Duran Duran or even better on flute, Crocodile Rock by Elton John. Classic flute music!

Or it could be the girl guzzling down her Corona before the bus pulls up. You can drink pretty much everywhere here in Vegas--I thought the bus would be no different! Maybe she got kicked off the last bus and left at that stop because of her beer. Who knows. She did look sad. But the stop is right in front of a gas station. So if she was sad because she was almost done with her beer then she had no excuses but to just walk in and buy another one!

What about the teenage couple making out and taking up the whole bench while 7 other people are waiting around, shifting uncomfortably and completely grossed out by the scene? I see them do this all the time. I wonder where they are going. It's almost like they will never see each other again by the way they are sucking face but I see them everyday so that can't be it. Maybe they are like The Hollie's song Bus Stop.

"Every morning I would see her waiting at the stop
Sometimes she'd shopped and she would show me what she bought
Other people stared as if we were both quite insane
Someday my name and hers are going to be the same"

The insane part is right. She could have just bought a new tongue ring and they were trying it out. Perhaps the bus stop is a romantic place for them because that's where they met? Ok, that's stretching it a bit too far huh?

The rest of the bus stop people are pretty normal. They just want to get to work or wherever they are going. I hope you get there riders! Maybe tomorrow I'll see the flute player serenading the young kissing couple while the beer drinker sobers up. That would make my day.